Dandelion Seeds

I went to the library one day to look for answers

But they told me all the manuals on life had been checked out

I stood there unsure, rocking back on my heels

How am I supposed to get through this thing called life? I asked

The librarian had no answer for me

I wandered outside, not knowing where to go

Shouldn’t life have a definite direction?

I feel confused

I never know where to go, I am always unsure

Is this normal?

I find myself floating, like dandelion seeds, the breeze taking me in endless directions

Always undecided, while the people around me trudge forward with directions in mind

I fall behind them, asking, “How do you know?”

They never have an answer for me

So I drift in the river of life, letting currents spin me around and around

Shouldn’t I have a concrete destination in mind?

Everyone else does

I feel lost, stagnant in my indecision

They all swim ahead, while I wade in the deep end, not wanting to get out of the pool just yet

Why rush? Then again, why not rush?

This piece was written in 2014. I had graduated high school two years prior but was doing the exact same thing, working the same job, with no direction in mind. I was never one of those people who knew what they wanted to do when they grew up. I watched all those I had graduated with full steam ahead in university, in relationships, in milestones, and accomplishments. They all seemed so sure and so ahead, like they knew some secret to happiness that I did not. I felt so isolated and like such a failure. Was I defective? I hoped not, and assured myself there were plenty of other people in the same boat, but no matter how much I tried to reassure myself, I knew I was an anomaly.

Fast forward to now. Being unsure of what you want your future to be is not a bad thing. Look at it as a way to test drive careers. Take jobs or volunteer in different areas and identify what you like and what you don't. Date different people to do the same, or abstain from dating and focus on yourself. Look at the uncertainty as freedom.