Daddy Died Today
‘Now you’ve left me forever’
I cautiously open the message, half wondering,
‘It’ll be bad.’
Three short words: Tony died today
Yes, you’re Tony nowadays
You know, to create that emotional distance,
the one made by your own wounded admission
But today, you’re Dad. And you were our dad.
When I read those words, I pictured your face
and the happy times
It felt weird to read you’re no longer here
I feel weird, and everything has left me
I don’t want to believe it,
It’s too strange to know you’ve gone,
I feel the emptiness your absence leaves,
It’s surreal, and nothing makes sense.
‘Why did your brother text and not call?’ you may have asked if you were here, and I did too for a moment.
But the realisation came: he was emotional, ‘it’ was too painful. He and you hadn’t come to any resolutions.
You’d been cold and indifferent, casting him aside into a heartless gutter
You know, the way you left me
But he’d stuffed you down and covered you up nicely.
But me, I’d cried.
I cried so often.
But a long time ago.
I’d spilled my guts out
I’ve unpicked and unpacked,
I’ve scraped those wounds completely back.
I cried tonight. I stopped and started.
Yet something deep within me has been expecting you to go,
to leave this place,
with even a recent vision.
You must have known
You’d reached a winter milestone birthday, and I couldn’t help but reminisce and wonder.
I’d wondered how long you would live to,
I’ve never seen you as an old man.
I wondered,
Would I feel relief?
I wondered,
Would I miss you?
I do miss you,
and I don’t feel relief,
only forgiveness,
and only sadness.
When I cried tonight, I asked myself, ‘Why am I crying? You weren’t interested in me!’
It’s true, I felt unworthy to cry. Well, after all, I hadn’t seen you for so long.
But I cried for that uncharted space where you could have loved me, and that space where you could have been my loving dad.
And I cried for you, that you’ll be okay wherever you are right now, wherever your soul has gone.
I cried for you,
that you will now be happy,
and know love the way it should have been for you
^^^
Riposa in pace papà— 21st November 2025
© Chantal Weiss 2025 All Rights Reserved
About the Creator
Chantal Christie Weiss
I write memoirs, essays, and poetry.
My self-published poetry book: In Search of My Soul. Available via Amazon, along with writing journals.
Tip link: https://www.paypal.me/drweissy
Chantal, Spiritual Badass
England, UK
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Comments (15)
So sorry for your loss, but this was beautiful.
Even though it may have been a strained relationship, you lost your dad and your pain is real.
This was tearfully poignant, I’m so sorry for your loss. Parents are such a complicated thing.❤️😿❤️🩹
Your words resonate. The forgiveness and sadness. I have spent 2025 writing about my estranged mother, who died in January. The forgiveness and sadness, yes. I am finished writing about it for now, but not quite ready to share. It was good to write it down , and I hope your poetry is therapeutic for you, too. Thank you so much for having the courage to share it with us.
❤️
Intense emotions here. It’s difficult for anyone to come to terms with any sudden loss. I hope the wounds will heal and that only compassion and love remain. You seem to have a very kind heart. Courage. :)
Crying for that “uncharted space” sums up complicated grief so well. Sorry for all the losses you’ve expressed here.
very good
This piece moved me deeply. The mix of forgiveness, sadness and unresolved longing is written with such emotional clarity.
Your feelings...
I'm so sorry for your loss Chantal 🥺 Your words had so much pain to them. I hope you feel a little better after penning this down. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. This piece holds so much heart, you honoured your feelings beautifully.
You and I share similar wounds. At least now I have a picture of how it will feel. Seems like it's still gonna suck no matter what. I hold you in my heart. You deserved more, and so did your brother. I hope in the next life, you all have a happier story. But for now, I hope you find happiness in this one - and you never settle for LESS for yourself and your future, and you accept only what heals and causes joy in your life. I hope your brother finds healing and happiness, too. It was your father's missed opportunity. And I'm sorry you have to navigate these kinds of waters.
my condolences. I also have my mom with a terrible disease that can take her way from me... so let's see how she does during the treatment.
Condolences, Chantal, during this difficult time.