Crip Love

So much about having a physical disability can feel like a toxic relationship one has with their body. Asking your body for more than it can give you, and resenting it, sometimes hating it for not complying. And I realize that at times I am the abusive one. It must not be easy for my body to live with me. To cohabitate with this person who pressures you, who makes you feel small, puts you in danger.

At times I hate my body.

I hate it for not doing enough, for being weak, for not being pretty enough.

It is also difficult to contend with the help from others my body needs. More often than not, others resent my body too for its needs, needs my body couldn't fulfil for them if they needed it.

My passage in the prairie state was a joy. Filled with community bonding and the true feeling of Crip Love. My body felt safe, appreciated and useful in ways only other disabled people could communicate.

Care Structures as disabled oracles have called them are fundamental to the disabled community, and it was so precious to experience one during my stay.

My body has given me so much, and it has never let me down as it is still here. The Crip Love we want to give each other we must give to ourselves as well. One cannot be part of a Care Structure if one doesn't have a body, and to hate my body is to hate what it has done for others, and how sad would that be.

Those structures are reciprocal, always.

The one who can reach for the shelf cannot see the salad falling out of her plate,

and the one who can lead the way needs assistance to walk.

The one who can bend down struggles to tie a shoe,

and the one who cannot open the door can open a can.

But all can hold each other.

And they do.

So she holds onto your arm while you lead the way.

I tie your shoe, and you reach for my belonging on the floor.

I crack open a can, and you open the door.

I guide her hand, and she reaches for the shelf.

May we set an example for those who can open all the doors,

reach all the shelves,

tie any shoe,

walk and lead every route,

bend over and backwards,

and open every can,

and yet cannot offer a hand.