Crash

Your love is painful. The sweetest destruction. Or so I thought. How many times did I give you permission to pummel my tattered heart? Chances are an understatement, looking back.

I was the most pious believer in your venomous institution. And you knew it. With the snap of a finger, or in your case, in the moments of your "utter" begging, you knew I would cave. Because with adoring eyes, I gazed and realized how little I could accept loneliness. And through rose-colored glasses, I painted the ultimate cognitive dissonance, a habit of misery and an intoxicating reverie to escape my traumas, past and present. Was I a victim of your words or a victim of my flawed senses? Only the ghosts in our closets know those frozen truths. It'd be easier to tolerate this panging, easier to tolerate the soured moments, easier to tolerate our abuses if the Universe sat at the edge of my bed, swaddled me in its arms, and blew stardust over my eyes, revealing to me our prolonged and oh so doomed misfortunate fortune. But alas, the Universe had other deeds in mind- like using you for convenient character development. I think I've quite learned my lesson now. Biting the bullet doesn't do justice to how poised I left our unhappy ending. You have no clue the power of my rage, neatly tucked away for the sake of sanity- please don't mistake reservation for forgiveness. I don't think I'm the forgiving type. At least this version of me isn't right now. And it is the rage keeping me going. The rage preserving my senses.

And so I sit with the bittersweetness in a graveyard of fickle moods and fuck yous. Do I finally trade your tattered soul for mine? In times like these, angels are never where you need them. And yet demons are never but a foot away. Choices... Your love is painful. And I'm no longer confounded.

This is the first of many new pieces on the way. After two very long years of depression, health complications, general reclusion, I fuckin left a toxic 4 year relationship, moved back home to NY, got two bougie new jobs, got into flippin grad school,(which I still pinch myself about) and found a new relationship with an old flame, life been messy as hell y'all. So sorry for the long hiatus of sorts. I hope this new era fosters all the needed changes, reveals, and revivals to breath life into new manifestations. Through darkness, I found a way and I know you too dear reader can find a way out of your hole as well. But please any and all feedback is welcoeme and much appreciated. And if you're still hungry for more of my new content you can always head to my TikTok, IG, Medium, Twitter, YouTube, or Facebook for loads more! Find your pick of poems, short stories, memes, spells, recommendations, and cultural recs that are right up your ally. Don't forget to drop your fave GIF or just say "Hi". And don't forget to do something spooky for this April 20th Eclispe. It's a spiritual purging time!

And finally: Dear Ghouls, Brujas, Goblins, and Fellow Earthly Inhabitants! If you love this piece and want to continue to support my work, please clap and subscribe! Or Support my work on Medium as well which is only $5 a month and your support aids in me earning income, so drop your love below. Check out more of my work here! And as always Much love and thank y'all. Stay, Be, and Embody Blessedness Beloveds!