Convenience

I've only known a love of

convenience. What I mean

by that is the people in my life

only love me, only care,

only support, only show up,

when it is convenient for them.

I've spent a lot of my life

Being lonely, wishing for

A consistent person to be there

To wake up every day excited to be

With ME and do things with ME

Because they want to, because they

are really interested in who I am

as a person. Most of them never

Took the time to get to know me

Not even my own family

They don't see me

They definitely don't see this side

Of me because none of them support

Or keep up with my endeavors

It's only important when there is

Something to brag about.

It's not enough for me to come on here

and bear my soul to complete strangers

to take that step and brave that journey;

did it make me famous?

did it give me fortune?

did it give me success?

if the answer is no, it's only a love of convenience,

the love from my parents

they only care when it looks good on them to others

it was never about them doing everything

THEY could to help me achieve MY dreams

it was all about me doing what I was told

not complaining. not forming an identity

past a certain age, and keeping everything

inside me. I just don't understand it

I don't get why my parents don't

Want to call me and talk to me more

To know how their baby girl

Is dealing with this world

Right now it's pretty hard to deal with,

to be honest. I'm tired of love of convenience,

I want someone to really love me,

All of me, every day.

To truly enjoy me and everything I say

I think if I had real love, I would be okay

But all the love in my life, is still convenience, today,

and I don't know if I'll ever have a love the other way

But I hope for it, pray for it every day.

For someone to come into my life

and care so much that they stay.

To never abandon me or go away

To comfort me when I am sad

To support me during every part

Of my life, even the dark times

Someone who respects me,

Is proud of me,

Sees all of the potential in me.

I wish that someone

could love me

like that.