CONFUSION:

I don't know if this will be approved but keep in mind this is about a beautiful person passing from this realm to the next and it is the emotions of confusion that are at play here, not a rant against god..but the questions that are left open..most notably why? As you can see by the date I wrote it a few years ago but it wasn't approved but I don't recall why or even remember if they gave me a reason..maybe because God is mentioned? I don't know but this is about my sister when she passed in first days of the epidemic with all the same symptoms of it but we were lucky to say goodbye compared to so many people.

3-14-2020

YOU KNOW THOSE MOMENTS...

MOMENTS WHEN THE ONLY OPTION IS TO STEP AWAY..

OR LOSE YOURSELF..

IN A MAW OF MADNESS OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS..

A BLACK HOLE OF DARKNESS FROM WHICH NO QUESTION ESCAPES..

SO MUCH LESS, ANY REPLY.

DEEP AND UNFORGIVING, UNSOLICITOUS..SO..

WE TURN TO GOD..

not realizing he/she is but a child playing in a vast stellar sandbox full of grains made of stars and planets and nebulous dirt..

A God-child gathering celestial sand to castles of beauty build,

Omnipotent in his creations..

Eternal in his ideations..

an immensity of astounding dimensions reaching far beyond our own in which she/he has but a toehold in a pond and we are not even a droplet in the consciousness of his wisdom..

And still, we pretend he/she hears our pleas, our supplications as he razes worlds he creates to make another..

A NEW!

WE ARE BUT THE ATOMS OF HIS WORLD AND HE DEIGNS TO ACKNOWLDGE US IN HIS TIME..

We beseech his mercy..

unrealizing or unwill to admit God is beyond our reach and

his judgement extends to what his fingertips are willing to touch..BUT..

GOD is not unkind,

though blind to us much as we are to the microbes inhabiting our reality..

We are the ants diligently going about our business as he steps over us to continue on his path..yet..

even smaller than that..

we are grains,

miniscule,

small..

and expendable for the creation of a greater story.

SO WE SHOUT,

GNASH OUR TEETH IN ANGER AT AN UNREPROACHABLE GOD!

and we speak in riddles ..hoping to discover..

What?!

To see if we can get God's attention?

IS IT CHANCE?

or a miracle when serendipity creates an answer?

Did God hear?

Or did she just decide at that moment to stand up and pour out a cup of water?

Creating a supposed answer to a prayer for rain? a blessing..

Meantime..

Sad poets ask odd questions no one can answer...

while a God-child plays.

Amid the muck of ruinations,

a preacher pastor dances in the fire of his brimstone sermon..

adjuring the faithful to give..

TO DONATE! their life blood to an invisible belief seen only by the believers..

Give until it hurts,

so that a God-child will play in his yard, so..

that a God-child will bless us with his presence..

I pray, I supplicate, I question..and..I hear..

in the background the strains of a song saying..

"AND THE BAND PLAYED ON"!