Comfort, Pain, & Trust

Comfort,

Means many things,

To some only one,

To others any

Of the many meanings, all are well.

All until one becomes none,

When comfort and suffering become one,

We have gone too far.

To find comfort in pain is not the same,

To throw out the comfort of others for gain is not sane,

To love yourself and others to sacrifice some comforts for others,

Is.

Comfort is far from me at this hour, though I can experience its shadow in substance use. Though I can be reminded of it in the stories on screens, on pages, and in the lives of others around me. I cannot truly live within it while living a story I did not choose.

At points I chose to lose, though only from abuse, some seemed to think this was not me on the brink. Instead choosing the way I think. In truth a free fall was all I ever had. For once, to write and live a story of my own making, I believe I would be glad.

It was not long ago I learned that I never really had.

As I learn to guide my own story, to trust my own heart in taking me where I need to be, I find comforts I never knew.

To walk in a world I can trust as much as I can trust myself. To trust the many stories and many voices we all share the world with. To trust you.

To trust the rust in my shed the crust off my bread, the neighbors slinging led. To trust that my soul will be fed by the time I end up dead. To trust the lust the ends up in my bed, the path on which I'm being led. To trust that I am truly free.

To trust Me.