Colors

There used to be

This part of me

That tried to hold on to the sunset

It used to want to live forever

In the dancing light of cosmic colors

Wishing it could hit the pause

And put them deep inside a box

-- Or at least a camera phone

So it could look when it's alone

And weep

Just weep

At the colors that I see

The same beauty,

It wanted me to know,

That lives within me...

...but the message never made it through

The noise inside my addled mind

The tears always met a wall

And never got to form a cry

And so I'd find myself confused

When staring at a colored sky

Do I simply be with it?

Or allow myself to wonder why?

Wonder why I want to grasp

And hold the colors in my hands

Wonder what it is

About this love

That I do not seem to understand

Then one day to my surprise

Beneath a technicolor sky

I was asked to close my eyes

To find the sky within my mind

At first I laughed

But then I knew

The message came from in the deep

From the place

That wants to weep

From the "me" that felt like "you"

And so I did what I could not

Remembered what I had forgot

That my body is in fact -- alive

And not some vapid suit of armor

And then there came from deep inside

A place much deeper than my mind

A voice that turned into a tremor...

...a shout that came out as a whisper

Like a leak inside a dam

A trickle turned into a stream

A feeling turned into a dream

And that's when I began

The process of remembering

Who I really am

Like a flood they all rushed in

Memories of all the times

I saw outside what wasn't mine

Of all the lies that made me die

Of every time I saw the sky

Bathed in golden yellow light

And could not see the same inside

Of all the times, unrealized

I made myself a smaller size

Like a peacock in a cage

Or a Redwood locked inside a vase

I finally had the eyes to see

Why the sunsets called to me

A message sent from up above

Something like a mirror

The colors dance so as to ask

That I try to remember

That I came from that same love

That I am the colors rendered

And then they whispered, gently told

It was not them I yearned to hold

Like a fire in the cold,

A veil lifted from my eyes

Suddenly I felt the truth --

I was not reaching for the sky

But the children whom I cast aside

The ones who live inside my mind

The ones who want to dance and play

To be the colors on display

The ones who never felt the love

Found in the light of a dwindling day

And so I finally let them weep

And weep

And weep

And weep

And weep...

I let them know that now I see

The colors in the sky

Are not a seperate thing from me

There is no dividing line

They're only mirrors

How divine!

To see the beauty that's inside

Now I know to let them go

To let them fade into the night

I only need to watch the show

Knowing that I am the light

And when I see my fingers twitch

The part that once was so alone

This part of me that wants to keep

The beauty that I see

I let myself take out the phone

But instead -- I take a selfie.