Colorless Maps

I crave artwork that hasn’t been painted yet.

It motivates me to explore with eyes closed,

Attempting to grasp images of blue crashing

Waves, below orange sunsets in the West.

Idealizing ideals that wait to manifest.

Bright yellow glow dimmed by those who told me

This wasn’t the right road to follow, sure enough,

I couldn’t find my way home. And it seemed from

Afar, that the longer I looked, the deeper the road

would swallow me whole.

But my dusty first draft novel stayed saved on my hard

Drive, begging for a red-marked edit every other day.

The ticking red clock in my kitchen reminded me

That time still passed even when you’re lost. I saw

My destination, but couldn’t find correct directions.

Colorless maps were given to me by those who only

followed.

Despite recommendations, I continued to wear broken

black framed glasses. I’ll get my eyes checked tomorrow,

Capitalizing on lies I tell myself. Using blue painter’s

Tape to hold the frames together, like a bandage on

A cut that actually needed stitches.

After years of lost direction, I became determined to

Follow the colorless maps. As it was simpler to follow

directions rather than find my own way. Quickly, the

Once dimmed bright yellow glow flickered and

disappeared as though it never even existed.

My dusty first draft novel stayed saved on my hard drive,

Terrified it might accidently be deleted one of these days

I trashed my broken black framed glasses because it

Was normal to do so. Keeping the blue painter’s tape

As a reminder because it wasn’t normal to do so. I felt

The blue painter’s tape rip as I stuck it to the mirror

Above my lonely desk.

I no longer wanted to hit snooze more than 3 times

A day or to sleep talk just so the walls would hear

my genuine voice. I no longer wanted to say

“I’m good,” when asked “how are you?” I

Wanted to let the white luminous Luxor light

Guide me.

When I held the colorless map in my hand, I felt

Pressure to accept that destiny was already planned.

My original destination had been cancelled and

Replaced by a one-size-fits-all goal. It inspired me

To color in the lines on the map and open up the

Pages to my once dusty, now published novel.