Circus life

Sequel poem to RED Circus

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Oh! I wanna kiss him

I hope in my heart to know him(his dreams, hopes, fears, for him to know I can feel scared too), so he can know me.

His mask hides everything I want to feel

I want to feel his every expression.

He cries, I stitch each of his tears on my cheek

And though I feel I cannot cry on my own

I know that every time I hear his sadness

My very soul quakes and my heart trembles so painfully

So graceful he is; I long to hold him so tight.

Oh my goodness do I yearn to kiss him!

His is like my wolf brother, yet not by blood, but I want him

To be

My

Lover.

I have a bloodlust, I think that murder on the TV is fun,(Do I go too far, When I emulate and imitate these actions even theatrically or on accident)

I want to show off my knowledge to him,

And of course, I started to fight.

He tells me, “No! That’s not how you show me your true self!”

And I pause, my face so hot.

I wonder how to respond.

“Well, then, show me your true self!” I counter, angrier than I needed to be.

He gets out his equipment to show off his fire breathing and juggling skills,

And as he juggles burning objects, small to large, spinning and weaving and jumping and landing—- he looks like the most beautiful dream…

And then I tell him a joke, and he laughs

Almost dropping his pins that are fire.

I panic,

And I can’t breathe

But I get a bucket of water,

And pour it on him.

the danger is gone, the fire put out

And we both look at each other

and laugh.

Oh my dear, oh my goodness gracious,

I’m so in love with him!

But who am I?

The son of a circus owner, living

Like a clown, a crazy man

Without a real destiny?

“Take off your mask,” he tells me.

I smirk so smartly, “I don’t wear masks. That’s you!” And I hate my sarcastic tone.

He tells me his mask is physical

And mine is philosophical.

So I give him a look

And then I sigh, and the words fall out, spilling like a waterfall,

“I was meant to be nothing, just a joke. Not even a good joke. Just a reminder of failure. And I can’t do anything better, because my mind is broken.”

Then it happens!

It really does.

He engulfs me into his very breath, his heart beat, I sink

Into his dreamy eyes

I sink

But do not drown.

“You are more important to me than you’ll ever understand,” He whispers to me and then

I drown, the weight of the pain finally puncturing my overinflated ego.

The endless loop I have been circling around, the madness and the dreary listlessness of

My days,

All the trash I stuff my heart with,

Is flushed away,

And is restarted.

I’m so scared

I feel so small, so alive

And he’s there, holding my hand

And I can’t believe it, cause now

He’s mine.