Circles

Fighting my mind

I’m going back and forth

Screaming to the sky

Knowing its pointless

Please let me go

I want to be happy

You aren’t welcome here

Why?

Do my thoughts fail to escape this slow spiral of dread

I’m hovering, an onlooker to my own mind

Passively commenting on facts that aren’t true

Yet helpless to guide my emotions to truth

Alone.

Not really but my mind makes it so

Unwanted.

For real? This lie is getting old

Selfish.

How? When I can barely say no?

I’m screaming in my head

I’m asking with my eyes

Am I really such a good actor

That you can’t hear my cry?

Of course I’m not fine!

Why would you trust that line?

Please just ask me one more time

I promise I’ll be honest

Yes I’m sure, I’m fine

I’m going to burn this down

The rage is growing but it’s directionless and void

How can I feel like I’m going to implode

When all I really want to do is dissolve?

Bare my bones for the stars to see

Rip the agony from inside and make a display

Controlled

Not really, I’m just an actor dancing to a tone-deaf melody

Happy

Am I really? I can’t tell if it’s true anymore

Safe

Would you still say that if you knew my mind?

Am I broken inside

That I can fall to this place of apathy

This disjointed existence where logic and color

Clash so violently and ignore the other?

All these questions

All these doubts

And yet, I realize

I am the one who cries and shouts for

freedom from a Jailer that is my very own mind.