Chronic Pain

It’s the feeling of being devoured from the inside

Of having every organ ripped out of your body while you’re still alive, but also awake

Awake without any form of anesthetic

Awake without any form of analgesic

Awake without any form of comfort

Awake without any form of peace

Awake without any form of empathy

Awake without any form of relief

It’s the feeling of wanting to die but trying to convince yourself that you still want to live

It’s the mental anguish and the mental gymnastics you play to convince yourself that you’re doing ok

Convincing yourself that you want to stay here

Convincing yourself that you still want to breathe

Convincing yourself to remain optimistic

Convincing yourself to keep fighting

Convincing yourself to be strong

Convincing yourself to see that silver lining when you’re still going through that storm

It’s the feeling of riding on cloud nine but still losing sleep

It’s the feeling of wanting to end it all because then that would bring immediate relief

Listening to everyone pushing you to fight

Listening to everyone who at times seem to want me to suffer another night

Listening to words that don’t justify what I feel

Listening to people who have never experienced this ordeal

Listening to the mixed voices inside of my head

Listening to fight the voices that say I’d rather be dead

Pain is a feeling

Pain is a personal experience

Pain can be your horror story

Pain can be your enemy

Pain can bring out the worst in you

But pain can also bring healing