Childhood Truths: Will Anyone Hear Me?

I write this with great fear. I write this with great awareness that I can be ridiculed, hated, and shamed for something that I did NOT do. I write this with the imprint I will carry all my life. And I write this knowing there are thousands of little girls, now women, who can never speak the truths! I write this for them.

Daisy dust, (you sprinkled), to dull the senses,

Close the doors, seal the fences,

No peaceful slumber in this 'mist'

Gnashing teeth; a clenched tight fist.

Pain and sin; oh, blackened heart,

The shame of which I can't depart.

I'm dirty, it' s my fault, or so you say,

I wash my hands 100 times a day,

You held my body still and fast,

Victory was yours at last,

You made me scream deep within,

But no sound came to grace the wind.

I desired- this was your claim.

I can never be the same,

You broke what time cannot repair,

And left a silence everywhere.

My therapist said, "Wait and see,

Time will heal and set you free."

I cry and cringe with jagged breath,

"MY only freedom's found in death!"

I wait, I grow, and time moves on,

The victory is mine, I have won!

No longer buried, bruised or small,

I am the roar beyond it all!

When the people you are supposed to trust most in your life commit heinous acts and violate the trusts in the most pernicious ways, the fallout is guilt, shame, self-doubt, and loathing. The victory over incestuous rape is a painful journey. The journey to freedom is heart wrenching, faith challenging, and hope inspiring. When one finally gets past all the shame, the realization that freedom exists in life becomes evident. I pray anyone who can relate will find the courage to break the cycle and learn to scream!