Chapter 4

I don't know if anxiety would knock again

So much, I think, I still have to say

It'll be two years today, insane

But few things before I officially burn this page

You don't seem to watch the lights before crossing my mind

Wondering if everything is going great on your side

If you're still walking with grace and wearing that smile

I am sort of deviating so I'll give my heart this mic

I didn't know our story would ever have an end

And if it did, maybe it would have been on my death bed

The love I had for you was more than I offered myself

So many packages I had prepared, I always loved to plan ahead

I was ready to fight for what we had, maybe that's why it used to sting

Started the savings, gloves in to take it all out on the ring

I loved you more than any poem I had written

But I didn't love myself enough to know something was missing

If I had to redo it , I would still text you and meet you again

I would still video call from 9pm till the sun rising from my windowpane

I would still ..... I am not ready to pen this

But that's not the reason for this message

My lack of control landed us into the abyss where we lived

I tried too hard to fit in with the ones you surround yourself with

I lost a part of me that I barely thought I could lose

There were times I should have listened and made a priority out of you

After the vase broke , looking back, things were never the same

We never addressed things or communicated in a way that was sane

The drive carried on out of the familiarity of it

Racing backward from where my sins were tallied in sync

Not bad people, just bad together

If i had character or discipline, I would have done better

If I was closer to Him, I would have heard Him when He spoke

Two eggs that were just unequally yolked

When Grandma passed , it hurt seeing you in pain

I wished I had the power to take it all away

All I could offer was condolences and my knees as I prayed

If anything, our story pointed out where I had strayed

I'll be forever thankful for what we shared

Highlighted the things I had to work on and where I err

Our story wasn't unfinished, not in the slightest

This isn't closure, this is just me cleaning my heart's nest

I don't know if you'll ever get to read this

But if you do, I am sorry for all the times that you were hurting

For the trust I tossed in the lake, like its value meant nothing

This is your flower , and the last lead of this pencil I am wielding.