Changing World

Act I-

One of the Lost Boys

Unwillingly falling,

Yet again succumbing to thoughts,

I hadn't thought for some time.

Remembering the times,

All the wasted days and dimes,

Purchasing my ticket to ever descending.

Keeling to and fro,

Managing not but to fail,

Continuously chasing my tail.

Jostling in line for last,

Doomed to repeat everyday past,

Unguarded thoughts make me fall er fast.

Needlessly bent,

On things that have nothing left,

Pillars of uselessness kill my daily breath.

Time or will take me,

Henceforth I am not,

A person worth saving.

Beckoning the end near,

Come here and whisper in my ear,

The end is near, cry not a tear.

Successful in not,

Minds battles I've fought,

Growing weaker, I am distraught.

Gladly seeking nothing,

Is a seeker of nothing something,

Must one seek something to cease being nothing.

Prowling about for grievance,

I'm a child in thought unceaseless,

Acting as if I'm needless.

Act II-

Breaching the Subject

One step two step,

Wish it could be so simple,

But love was never the plan,

If only my heart I could trample.

Doing my best to keep away,

But my heart refuses to sway,

Every song I hear reminds me of you,

I could say otherwise, but it wouldn't be true.

Slightly confused and un-nerved,

These feelings I have unjustly served,

Not quite sure what to say and to who,

Much less what I should ever tell you.

Trade a smile for a smile,

A wink and you can't help but look away,

You cast glances when you think I'm not looking,

We lock eyes briefly at times not long to stay.

Surreal in after thought,

Still can't figure out when I was caught,

Wondering if my hardest I fought.

To fold to my most common reaction,

At this time and place,

Run oh run, to flee,

Never again you to see.

Six days remain,

What can they possibly contain,

This persona wavers, can I maintain?

If she'd just make a move,

I couldn't help but prove,

My feelings are the same to.

Ever sense that fantastic night,

Holding my breath every time she came in sight,

Maybe us, yes us, maybe we might,

Endure this long hard fight.

Act III-

Behold, Issues Arise

To be honest I am quite afraid,

Words can't begin to explain my racing mind,

If you took a look, three feelings you'd find.

Love and worry with a slice of regret,

I love to love, but that makes me worry,

I tend to worry and ruin some special things,

Insert my regret and so it stings.

Gone in two years, perhaps,

How painful will my past be to lay too rest?

Previously moved without mishaps,

But never bonds of love to test.

I seem now to lay awake worried,

Worried this will happen,

It's what I want, but not what I want most,

I never want to see her hurt.

I care about her so very much,

I wish to pick her up in my arms,

And if it so happens,

Place her back down gently on both her feet.

Not wanting tears to follow me away,

Never to be filled with the knowledge,

That sorrow permeates and behind me lay.

If I dare to imagine you in years,

Perhaps, just maybe, in tears,

Me leaving, a memory that still sears.

I'd hate to say I missed my chance,

To take you and just dance,

I stopped then, just to think,

How many times I'd missed this before.

The thoughts that race,

Hard to calculate or find a base,

I can't hope to keep this pace,

Before I crash and disappear without a trace.

A no from you would almost be welcome,

Common sense should then take hold,

But I'd cast it aside,

For you I'd be rid of it all,

For you I'd take the fall.

Act IV-

The Unmasking of Our Lady

Though if we had one last moment,

And perhaps if you knew it,

Would our gazes lock from across the room?

Would we dance the last dance in silence?

Would I shed a tear into your dark brown hair?

But if you didn't know it,

I'd come up behind you,

Hands behind my back with some flowers.

I'd turn you about to face me,

A smile brightening both our eyes,

Proffering the flowers I'd give them,

Simply then to walk off slowly.

But as the door almost closed,

I glanced longingly back at you,

Only to find you doing the same.

Recovering ourselves I smiled one last time,

Waved to her goodbye,

Feeling guilty as if I'd committed some crime.

My eyes droped to the earth,

All happiness and good feeling drained and gone,

The clouds then opened up and gave birth.

Lifting my hands up to the chilling rain,

My eyes closed shut,

Past that pitter pattering noise I heard a sound,

The sound of bare-feet on asphalt.

Then her arms were around me,

Tears then mixed with the rain,

It was hard to tell which were around,

Those big brown eyes of hers.

Never wanting to ruin the moment,

I said nothing for the first time,

She pulled me by my collar,

So closer my face came down to hers.

Upward her face tipped,

As for the first time we kissed,

For the rest of my life that moment,

Again and again I missed.

Love that never died,

Always worried did I,

Though love without stress I tried,

Now with regret I ever abide.

All does not end so badly,

Of course this story does end sadly,

With that kiss came a choice,

On that path, I still have a voice.

My road I have yet to choose,

Palpable worry claws at me,

I love you, I know you see,

This is not a game to win or loose,

Dire consequences follow either path,

I simply hope to be with you in the aftermath.

Act V-

Time Is No Ally

I'm in a free fall through eternity,

Senseless and afraid,

The times aren't the same as they once were,

But as love was then, it’s still nothing to deter.

My time is clocked, limited,

Two short years to get her,

In this changing world,

A day is worth more to me now.

It’s no wonder I'm trying so hard,

So hard just to hide it,

In this changing world,

One day we just might fit.

Trifling in my own thoughts,

If it's meant to be will we know it?

Will I see whats meant to be,

Or just what I really want to see?

I hope it becomes apparent,

Take a look at our love it’s transparent,

Casting a glance I see right through it,

I see right through it and see you.

Come now and take not a step but leap,

Welcoming the journey forward.

It won't matter where I am,

Wether a city of the hills,

As long as I'm not alone or taking pills.

Overbearing as I may be,

Please don't let me drive you away,

For sometimes, I wish I had nothing to say.

Act VI-

Submerged Into Love

I just might be heartbroken,

I just might be less alive,

Happiness hasn't always been my choice token,

For even a smile I used to work and strive.

Then I broke out and away,

Forever in love I'd rather stay,

Make you my life's center,

Into my heart I'll let you enter.

Not a trick nor trap,

Can't show you all the feelings I'd rather,

You're to young and I far to old,

To the world this idea can't yet be sold.

Accepted by some,

Frowned upon by others,

Soon a day will come,

When we will be achieved lovers.

Though for the time at hand,

A wink and a smile it will remain,

In hopes for you to not feel the need,

Not feel the need to risk.

Our hearts cry for love,

But yours isn't quite ready,

My hearts old and lonely,

Must wait till again its beat steady.

Painful recovery,

My blossoming discovery,

When you and your heart both are set,

I'll remind you how we both were when we met.

I'd hate for you to miss,

All that Iv'e come to reminisce,

An entire winter together,

Our time as frivolous as a floating feather.

A frown turned upward,

Activities with new meanings,

If we both hold on tight,

Moreover, all will be made right.

In the end of this confusion,

As on comes the infusion,

Underlining this secret longing,

I hear no little voice mocking,

Only a slight soft knocking.

Act VII-

I Miss You, Wait For Me?

I hate to say it,

We might be a perfect fit,

One date and you'll see,

How great a match we could be.

Two weeks off by myself,

Miss you? Yes I do,

With a want to be home,

With you, it's true.

No longer around as much,

Will you miss me?

Will I miss you?

Best friends, will our status remain as such?

Get ready for it,

Be ready for my touch,

When I get back I'll show you,

I missed you and I'll show you how much.

Steady is as steady goes,

I throw steadiness out the window,

Back and forth and side to side,

I'm not as predictable as the tide.

A laugh, smile, a solemn stare,

Always, many should be aware,

With you its different,

I try to be so careful, so very careful.

For if its the case and you feel not the same,

I would gladly my heart tame,

And so your best friend remain.

However it may be, currently I cannot tell,

But alas all is still well,

For I have faith that the unseen,

Will one day be plainly seen.

Act VIII-

On My Way Out The Door

Falling out of style,

Isn't as bad as you might think,

I stand I stutter,

But just manage to walk away.

Stifling not my thoughts,

Rather giving them a place to live,

Pen and paper, freedom they give.

You don't know that I write,

You don't know it's about you tonight,

You don't know that for you I fight,

Wether in the darkest night,

Or in the suns bright morning light.

Collapsing my spirit,

Pinning it to the page,

It sits there calling you,

Can you hear it?

I'm a creature of opinions,

Not grand or masterful, just mine,

You say in your eyes, you aren't fine,

Whereas I couldn't say how wrong you are.

As you aren't the eldest woman,

Or the most full grown,

I shall retain anything full blown,

But Miss, you are quite beautiful,

Yet not well known.

Care not for the looks of others,

Rather maintain and look to your own,

The seeds of content are better sown.

Not quite lost, not quite found,

I'm in love with you,

To that I've found, I'm bound.

Deny away what I say,

Claim you don't understand,

Do what you may,

This heart is a stray.

Act IX-

Thoughts From Afar

Stepping away from my day,

I see it all and what can I say,

The part that included you was the best,

To this my family and friends can attest.

It could be a call, a text,

A few words, forget the rest,

What comes next,

Could it possibly be the best?

Yet no matter how far away you might be,

No matter what the next day brings,

Always you I'm hoping to see.

Underneath every word, every action,

I'm always hoping, this love will gain traction,

Tentative at times, I simply await your reaction

No longer to be seen on a daily bases,

Yours I'll miss more than all the other faces,

I so enjoyed all the little rivalry races,

Everything I did, I just wanted to be in your good graces.

Starting the day,

I plan a new offensive,

No matter where I lay,

I start off retrospective.

Each day holds only so much time,

To not think of you,

That would be a crime.

A simple picture of you,

Wearing a smile, nothing new,

Yet my heart skips a beat,

Gives me winged feet.

That look, your eyes,

Do things to me I cannot describe,

My heart doubles in size,

Simply put, you mesmerize.

Freely I'd love to say it,

Uncertainly I scan my future,

Wondering how deep the pit.

My dear lady I know not if I can persist,

This writing should end soon I insist,

Yet still, you have seen none,

Not a line, a piece, or stanza at all.

I deplore myself as I fall asleep,

Always I have shown my work,

I'd want nothing more than for this,

For this to spark the fire, to spring the cork.

Act X-

The World of Nevermore

I once thought of Nevermore,

That deep dark place,

Full of torment and deadly truth,

A place I had descended unto,

For many a year of my youth.

I hadn't visited for quite some time,

Hadn't heard that dreaded bell chime,

Signaling me forth.

Last night, it was different,

I had descended, fell head first,

I slammed into the rocky ground,

Blood soaking the parched soil,

I cringed as I thought of my future toil.

Knowing much of this wretched place,

I dared not open my eyes,

Warm breezes blew back and forth,

Unnatural in their currents.

I clawed the air above me,

As they fell like a tree,

Then I heard a call, a yell,

For the first time I lifted my eyes to see.

My savior, my protector I searched with my eyes,

Then I saw Nevermore, begin to change,

The rocks became grass,

Grass gave birth to flowers,

The hollow wolves returned to their bowers.

I began to shake,

Terrified at these happenings,

Who could change such a place as this,

Making it one of joy instead of strife.

Still my eyes wondered as much as I dare let them,

Turmoil churned inside me at what I might find,

Nevermore had finished its exchange to grandeur,

And so the birds began their overture.

A flash of light, in and out,

A white mansion was there to behold,

With many pillars, its width was stout,

Once again I was filled with doubt.

As far as my knowledge took me,

Only I had ever fallen prey to Nevermore's grasp,

What other god, creature or man,

Had succumbed to Nevermore's haunting rasp.

Timid in my steps,

Expecting the worst at all times,

It was all to real to be a dream,

A dream would never haunt me so.

Everything had the feel of Nevermore,

Every sight unbelievably perfect,

Something was quite obviously different.

I approached the front,

The marble steps shown brilliant in the light from the sky,

Against my better judgement I took a step,

Breaching into the world of this mirage.

Instantly I noticed another change,

The air was fresh and smelled faintly,

Smelled faintly of lilies and roses,

Seeking the source inquisitively,

I took another step hesitantly.

I whispered under my breath,

"Oh Nevermore how have you come to change?

What comes upon me that my senses,

For this new world have exchanged,

Who is your new maker? Who?"

I once again reached level ground,

A glance I cast backwards,

My loss my torment,

I turned at last, leaving it all behind,

Keeping only this new venture in mind,

What in this white house, would I find?

The door opened just a crack,

Taking this as a welcome,

Slowly I pushed my way in,

Setting aside my coat on the rack.

The larger foyer opened up,

Unto a double-curved staircase it steered.

Hanging in the middle,

Sat a grand diamond chandelier.

It was beautiful,

But for all my thoughts I couldn't yet fathom,

"Who? Why?" Said I.

My gaze I cast here and there,

Gathering in the fantastic images,

Just in case it all randomly, disappeared,

Then in that moment, she appeared,

Jaw agape,

I saw that I recognized her tender shape,

Without a second thought I bound up the closest stair,

Wondering, oh wondering if she would still be there.

I crested the rise,

Much to my joyous surprise,

She was standing there,

The same as she first had arrived.

I fell to my knees,

Feeling as weak as ever I'd been,

My tongue fell limp,

It wouldn't respond or seize,

This I hadn't dared dream.

Extending her hand,

She touched my stubbled cheek, rough as sand,

Wearing a simple, yet extraordinary white dress,

My eyes began to tear and then flow,

For it was then that I did know,

It was her that saved me from this demonic trek.

"But how?" I managed through tears,

"Does it matter?” she asked kindly,

"I have but saved you for the moment,

How I wish I could have all those past years,

Of being locked away in Nevermore."

It was then I stood, and kissed her,

"With you as the Queen,

I'd find it a much more agreeable place,

Without the bitting dogs and tag-teaming pace."

Mental relapse hit me,

The stinging retort of my thoughts numbed,

I struggled and tried my best not to succumb.

I locked eyes with her,

Auburn hair flowing behind that face,

"I love you but leave,

My mind this place reaves,

I will be back but you must not stay,

Nevermore now drives deeper its stagnant ray."

She clasped me to her,

Fondly kissing my lips,

"Its for you I make these trips,

So these things don't get grips,

Get a grip on my life on earth."

Grimacing under pain,

I forced a smile,

The mirage began to crumble around us,

"Go! Please go!" I begged her.

She managed the weakest smile yet,

Holding onto me all the while,

"Thank you for this," I whispered,

“Love cannot always overcome,

Someone must suffer."

At that I pushed her roughly away,

As a pit yawed upon beneath me,

As we stood mere meters away,

I knew when I returned it would all be different.

Plummeting down,

I landed on both my feet,

Gasping in pain at the impact,

My mind new one fact.

As I stepped forward I knew,

The wrath of Nevermore awaited me,

Though I'd think of her and that better place,

Maybe just maybe, I could finish this deadly race.

In my minds eye,

I saw but one thing,

Those last few moments watching her cry,

And on her finger, a ring.

Act XI-

The Journey

Rocking myself back and forth,

Upon the sand I was chilled to numbness,

Not a hint of moonlight lit Nevermore,

Merely refineries, pollution out-pour.

Amid the frigidness,

A break in my turmoil,

I managed some thoughts of her,

Each quite precious in this sullen place.

As always my rest was in spite,

Roughly I was lifted to my feet,

Or rather I could be dragged along with their lean might,

A sore ridden hand slapped my neck,

I felt the cavities break upon skin,

Putrid liquid bursting out filmy and thin.

My stomach boiled with disgust,

A high laugh was the sole response,

My foot came down on metal, a puff of rust,

It was then I became a true fledgling of fear,

Another smack came, bathing my ear.

My steps were now haunted,

This I knew, a quick glance behind me,

The others were no where to be seen,

Shuddering, onward I daunted.

Ascending debris hit my downcast face,

I wasn't quite sure, if this time I could finish the race,

I am bound to time and space,

Of death I have had many a taste,

Wondering if ready I am, my life to waste.

My last step forward,

Thoughts breached by a blast of hot hair,

Not daring another step toward,

Toward the pit.

Breaching my site unto the depths,

Slowly, ever slowly I measured my steps,

Retribution not ever far away,

Slowly I crept, not wanting to stay.

Nevermore had me enraptured,

Once I turned ten I was captured,

Twice a week, into hell,

Never able to stop, never a tale to tell.

Cresting the pit, I can surely admit,

That I was frightened beyond compare,

For the world of Nevermore,

Is run by a blackened demon, never fair.

Assiral, tormentor of my soul,

Has rulled me sense that fateful day,

Not a word of good about the master,

Could I ever deem to say.

Ruined in thought and mind,

I was the cripple who was whole,

Capable of relieving myself,

Still ever I stayed in turmoil.

An infinity passed as molten rage,

Was poured out upon my barren soul,

Baring me senseless with pain,

Assiral my will to tame,

Tears fell from my eyes like rain,

My torment always took its toll.

Time passed, I held onto thoughts of you,

Scarce a moment I made it through,

Without you, I reassure you, its all true,

Every passing moment I hoped for something new.

I couldn't take it anymore,

My body reeled at the violence,

One second, two, 

Not a second more, I collapsed.

Act XII-

Assiral

A shock ran through my limp corpse,

With one driving thought as I awoke,

I commanded myself to not move,

It was the final stage of Nevermore,

Perhaps I could just, make it through,

Yet another shock came soon,

I moved and to her,

My condition I did prove.

Eyes closed tight,

I willed my eyelids to stay shut,

Tears rolled down my cheeks,

I felt her wipe them away,

My hardened heart began to melt.

She had broken me,

There wasn't a thing she asked,

That I wouldn't do,

Don't you see,

Assiral was my love to be.

Silencing racing thoughts,

I tried to not show any reaction

But quickly in my heart, 

She gained traction.

Tall, beautiful, and blonde,

At one point I created an unbreakable bond,

My love for her had been unreturned,

Though when she came running her love I spurned.

Now immeasurable sadness,

Haunts my every step,

For days she and I both wept,

In plain sight to each other,

Our tears we quickly smothered.

This misery I commit myself to,

Her hands on my chin,

Lips brushing my lips,

Side by side,

Every thought bent on you being mine.

If you'd just condoned,

To being simply mine,

All would have been fine,

No need for hard feelings,

No need for your image to be stoned.

Then I felt the illusion snap,

Your fingers ran still,

My mind bent and twisted against your will,

I knew eventually I could break my own trap.

Stepping away as all remained,

I looked once more and began to run,

Wishing to look again, yet I refrained,

I ran like a bullet shot from a gun.

The ground shook and fell behind me,

It shook again and again,

My vision blurred, my body started to sweat,

My brow became heavy and wet.

I ran till I collapsed,

The ground gave way beneath me,

Actuality was now, all I could see.

Starting awake,

The sounds of Nevermore fading,

Looking to my right,

Checked the time for my own sake.

Three minutes before the alarm,

Assiral once again lost her charm,

Little did she know how much harm,

I had done to myself on her behalf.

A knife sat above the glaring red numerals,

I thought of all the past incisions,

Every set of poor decisions.

I reached for the steel blade,

Bringing it closer to my side,

Revealing the metal, I tried,

I tried and tried but my mind was made.

At the last possible moment,

I tossed it away,

I dropped to my knees,

All I could do was pray.

Years of heaven and hell passed,

Experiences came and amassed,

But nothing had yet surpassed,

Assiral, my love at long last?

Act XIII-

Final Position of My Heart

In possession of my thoughts,

Hardly it would seem,

Always in search of more desperate plots,

Daily I dream a dream.

Half awake as I write,

Not quite sure for whom I fight,

Deep into this ever so dark night.

The final position of my heart,

Don't I wish I could tell it out right,

Scarce do it know it,

Less often my mark do I hit.

Whereas this never to be seen,

By none other but you,

Still I hesitate, it's true,

For you, in my dreams are new.

Flowing white dress,

Brown hair and eyes,

Seeing you, puts me under duress,

As my heart mounts and dyes.

The sight of you puts me off-beat,

Always a pleasant, nearly daily treat.

Now all that is over,

And my heart lays at rest,

I am not one to speak plainly,

My own patience I often test.

In the end, I lay not this matter to rest,

I shall not finish my thought for once,

And say just this,

Passion and inspiration in you I find.

My thoughtful taps do not mind,

For this always in thought,

I am above, beyond and behind,

In this changing world of nought.