Can you please want me?

You’ve perfected the precise formula needed to fool them. And you’re serving it to them on a silver platter. You’re funny, smart, interesting. Impressive yet humble. Elusive yet inviting. Quiet yet talkative. You’re anything they need you to be right now. Are you yourself? Maybe. You’re not really sure.

It doesn’t matter anyways because soon enough they’ll figure it out. You’ll find yourself searching for something to add to the conversation, but the moment passes. You lose their attention for a few seconds. It’s recoverable, but your confidence is shaken. You make sure to find something to say the next time, but when it arrives, it feels forced.

It didn’t come out right. They are put off by your desperation. They pass knowing glances. Quiet down.

Let some time pass so maybe they’ll forget. But what now?

You can’t get out of your own head long enough to entertain them. You’ll be replaced by someone hastily. You scramble for more talent. An ounce of shock factor. To prove to them that you are worth keeping around. However, your insecurity has spilled into the room. Everyone looks, but no one cleans it up.