Camouflage

When you start missing the days you hated

Isn't that a sign that you are healing?

Isn't that a sign that you aren't where you used to be?

Or does it mean I want those days to pull a U-turn on me?

I have always felt hidden , scared to open up

Like an umbrella , I only open when darkness shows its ugly head

But I couldn't express where I always felt strong in

Scared of judgement perhaps or just plain trying to seclude myself within

My faith has always been core to me, like a fountain where I draw strength

Like a spot in the forest , by the riverside, where I love to set up my tent

But for the last couple years , I felt lost in everything

I blamed you a lot but the truth is I was the one with a knife on my skin

I guess that's why my life always felt like it was missing something

Void, if you aren't the center piece

Take away the fear I have of how people would perceive me

Take away the piercing guilt I always have when I am faulting

I don't want to be lost, green hopper in a well chlorophyll-ed grass

I don't want to fight shame when I talk about my life, of the aftermath

Teach me to be more like you, to live as you want for me

Teach me to take the right decision , no matter how much hurt it'd bring

I don't want to play safe when it comes to you

My life is always greener when I discuss and walk with you

Found my smile back, both in words and spoken truth

Sacrificed for this love so if it is worth it, what did I actually lose?

So, here I am, screaming at the sun whilst trying to breathe

Do not turn your face from me, I am out of my shell now

Bind me up and force me to learn the hard way so as not to go astray again

Even if I have to pay penance for how I have lived up until today