Calm

The whirlwind of change struck again, 

this time, taking my concentration. 

On other days it borrowed my time, 

tomorrow perhaps my energy. 

There were moments when I was grateful for the storm. 

It shook up my expectations, 

created noise when the quiet was too persistent. 

Suddenly there were

mounds of possibilities because of the newness, 

anticipation squeezed my ribcage,

and drummed on my ears,

the inviting confusion of

what could happen next?

Change came like a welcome torrent in the thick fog, 

a haze I created and lived in far too long. 

The excitement of chaos embraced with open arms,

but

I soon realized

it was difficult to hold on. 

It left me tired when I wanted to smile, 

or short-tempered at the smallest irritation.

In the noise,

I struggled to find my calm. 

I sat alone in the ensuing days, 

brain buzzing louder than a beehive. 

I searched for steadiness. 

Perhaps the view out the window was enough to remind me, 

or the sound of the wind in the trees. 

Maybe it was my sister’s voice on the tinny speaker, 

or I found it at the bottom of my coffee cup. 

I found it in everything that I loved. 

There it was,

my calm. 

I held onto it and everything I knew myself to be, 

to stand firmly in the midst of the chaos. 

I opened my arms once more, 

embracing the storm, 

I was steady.