Breaking through

Fearing loss and starting anew.

…comfortably numb and deaf to the static.

Change is underway and I resent and resist it.

But pushed into a corner, I have no choice but to morph.

Fear of being alone and of the unknown

…navigating a map with no countries or borders.

I am flawed and I am weak.

But I am stronger than I thought.

Fear of the dark and all the gray without

…surrounded by man-made walls.

I have judged and shunned those who have strayed.

But I know now that darkness lives in the best of us.

Fear of being left behind and life dragging me down

…coasting along a well-trodden path.

Misery loves company.

But I have to live through my hell and open new doors.

Fear of hoping anew and failing again

…a silent hypoxic thrumming in auto pilot.

I don’t have the strength to rise.

But my bruised mind goads me.

Fear of loving and being vulnerable

…having loved and lost and loved again.

My heart has been broken and my soul crushed.

But I know that I will mend again.

Fear of being bold and asking for what I want

…some given grudgingly and others withheld.

I have been fortunate in so many ways.

But I know there are many who are not.

Fear of the highs and of the lows

…held in place by my own dead weight.

I did not understand what it means to live in the present.

But now I know that this is the only gift I have in hand.

Fear of breaking the shackles and running unfettered

…the familiar weight a warm solace in the night.

I have a poor image of myself.

But I need to find my unique voice.

Fear of the truth and scared of the lies

…complicit in life’s little treacheries and conspiracies.

My codependency has been a heavy burden.

But I am learning that I am good enough.

Fear of finding myself and knowing who I am

…silencing the snarls of my inner demons.

The greatest effort lies in looking inward.

But I need to love myself, warts and all.

Fear of plumbing my strengths and flexing my muscles

…having relinquished my power to others.

I learned as a child that I am not important.

But I know I have something unique to offer.

Fear of conquering my weaknesses and frailties

…held in check by the laws of man.

Sometimes I am mean, selfish and hateful.

But I have learned that that’s when I need to love myself more.

Fear of living and of dying

…stumbling and shuffling in limbo.

I have been blind to the cause and effect of my actions.

But I am learning that often what happens is not logical or rational.

Fear of strangers and of friends

…isolated and insulated in a bubble.

People have entered and left my space.

But I know now that I am better off without them in my life.

Fear of what lies ahead and what has passed

…weathering the tempests hour by hour.

It is not a pretty story I have to tell.

But I see we are all in the same boat.