Break The Cycle

A part of me wonders how long this cycle persists. 

How long will Life keep hidden my happiness?

The other part of me is hanging on by a thread, onto whatever little optimism I have left - I command a soft smile on my face but on the inside, I carry weights of pain.

I say

Everything is okay

When I'm not okay

And in my darkest of days… I ask God for absolute healing - May the wounds I can't remember never resurface. May I receive the resolve not to pass it onto my seed; Inflict an entire generation from one man's hurt.

I've learned… Time's impatient and no friend. Your friends won't always stay your friends and when you fall from grace, no one comes to your aid.

For now, I stare into every space with a pensive face. I listen to doleful songs or try to describe my melancholy to any empty page - still nothing seems to matter as long as I'm confined to the accursed repetitions of this shape.

No words of encouragement, no therapy and no form of companionship

Nothing will truly make sense, and I don't think I'll ever catch a break…

Until the cycle breaks.