Brave

I've been trying not to write about you.

But recently your voice won't leave my head, you're always there in my mind.

Thinking about you became a part of my daily routine now, and I wish I could erase your memory forever as if you were never there in the first place, but I can't.

And I can't stop myself from reminiscing, there are so many things that remind me of you these days.

I went to the place we first met today, it's been just over a year now, but I remember it clearly, your voice is a distant echo that once used to be so close.

You're far away now, I don't know what you're doing, and it hurts me to admit that I'd like to know how you're doing sometimes.

I used to listen to you narrating your dreams and how I was in them, while nowadays I don't even know if you dream anymore.

Your lips used to be my favorite once, now I barely even remember how they taste.

I used to look into your eyes and watch your pupils get bigger and bigger as I pictured the ocean that matched their color.

Your arms were home and now I'm homeless.

You were the reason I kept going, but I recently found out I don't need you to stand still.

I hate to break it to you, but I am enough without you, too.

I've been to the place we met that night, at 2 AM while we watched the stars and talked about our lives for the first time.

I remember that night, still.

I saw a shooting star as you walked me home, and I remember I thought that that must've been destiny.

You used to be the reason of my smile, now I laugh at myself for letting me believe that.

And I wish I could tell you how much I am sorry for letting you take control of my life and giving you the power to change my mood.

I wish I could leave you behind forever, but I can't.

I hope you think of me too sometimes, although I doubt it.

I wish I could say I hate you, but hate needs to be felt. I don't feel anything towards your persona.

The truth is, I never stopped loving you.

And it hurts me to know that, it's like a daily reminder that I'm still weak, and you still control me somehow.

You were the one to let go and I let you because I wasn't strong enough to hold up a relationship made for two, so I left.

The first days felt like hell and swear I could feel my chest burn every time someone would mention your name, but I kept going, with the hope that you'll come back eventually, but you never did.

I hoped you'll miss me someday, but you never did.

Months went by and I started to think I was fine, but when I saw you in the crowd I couldn't stop but laugh out loud as a rush of panic filled my veins and tears gathered up in the corners of my eyes.

I cried you an ocean that day.

Now, as I think of you and all the things you made me do, all the things I did for you, or with you, I realize that your memory will never leave my head.

I know it won't, and I can't do anything about it, but I swear I wish I could.

I've been trying not to write about you, but this is the only way I know of letting go.

Today I'll tell you what I didn't have the courage to tell you one year ago:

Goodbye.