Bottled Up Inside

I swore

to let this die with me.

I swore

to never let anyone else find out the truth

behind what really happened

between us.

I swore

that I'd take this to my grave,

if I had to.

All these years

keeping this information bottled up

deep inside;

not once telling my family,

telling my friends,

telling the world.

Hell.

I didn't even tell my damn therapist.

You'd be so proud of me.

I did that,

because of you.

I swore to never tell,

because of you.

I didn't want to see you get

in trouble;

I didn't want to see you get

hurt;

Why,

you may ask?

You were my best friend.

You were the one person

I could count on.

You were constantly in my life,

and I couldn't imagine being without you.

I know.

Stupid, right?

You didn't give two shits about me.

You didn't think of me as a best friend.

If you had,

why'd you do the things you did?

Why'd you break me down

into millions of tiny pieces,

just to build me back up and

destroy me yet again?

I was just a child.

I was just starting to learn

how to trust others.

I was just beginning to

figure myself out;

figure out exactly who

I wanted to become.

You know,

I swore to let this die out

with me.

I swore

that I'd take this shit to my

grave.

I had made a promise

to never let anyone else

find out what really happened

between you and I.

I made a promise

to myself,

to protect you;

to protect the one person

who didn't care about me

whatsoever.

If you did,

you never would have done

what you had done.

After all of these years,

after keeping all this

information deep inside,

bottled up,

locked deep inside

the pit of my stomach;

not once telling my family,

or my friends,

or even the world;

After all of these years,

I broke the promise

I made to myself

all those years ago,

and I have never felt

more free.