Black Rabbit Hole

Through the darkness I have gone

Alone, without torch to guide me home

Fear offered me company, I was easily sold

Terrified and feeling not so bold

It will help me, or so I'm told

I grasp at it willingly

But then it takes hold

To the wrong path it leads me

Smiling with glee

Happy to make another victim of me

I plead and I beg, but the grip is too strong

I already know this choice was all wrong

But no one can help, everyone has gone

For they know that I'm crazy

And I know it too,

They look at me with pity

Not knowing what to say or do

They would lock me away

If they understood my reality today

No trust in anyone, not even myself

For its my fault this happened

Its my fault I'm lost

And no one can help me

I know this is true

Because theres no way to erase a past so cruel

Fear stopped me from sleeping

For I didn't feel safe

That brought on the voices

Calling my name

You will never recover is what they told

You are lost to the darkness

And night terrors yet to unfold

I had suffered more

Than anyone I knew

So how could they help me

When their experience was few?

No one understood and I was alone

As fear continued to seep into my bones

And somehow like Alice I end up with a choice

Of pills to take, which one will suffice?

I must escape this prison before I turn to dust

But which to choose, which to trust

I choose MDMA

And I feel the rush

It throws open my jail cell wide as can be

Light rushes in, colours so vivid to see

I can feel as it opens my heart

Mending every fragmented & shattered part

Erasing the fear that had hijacked my soul

Bringing me out of the black rabbit hole

Slowly slowly I was able to feel

That the colour in life is what was real

Many reasons to be grateful

So many people to love

In spite of the pain

I was learning to rise above

I was stronger than I ever knew

To once again trust a rose painted view

A life of love was awaiting me

Letting go of fear was the only fee

It was without doubt the hardest path to find

But that potion helped to restore my mind

I don't believe I could have let go alone

I had been attacked by wild dogs

Who treated me as a bone

The trauma cut so very deep

Sometimes the memory still makes me weep

But it no longer affects my every sleep

The important message here

Is that it no longer controls

My every waking moment

And puts fear in my bones

I slowly learned to love my body again,

To look in the mirror without feeling shame

Yet the laws of the land

To which have command

Say the medicine I took

Is illegal and banned

How can this be?

I don't understand.

I owe my life today

It is no underestimate to say,

To a summer of little blue pills

That put the green back in the hills

And the blue in the sky

So I ask again why

Why this medicine is banned?

For so many others are suffering today

From the same disease,

I had last May

Lost in the darkness with only their fears

Without hope of cure

Terror and panic prolonged for years

We must start a movement

Against systems unjust

We must stand for love

For healing and trust.

So let it be known that I am alive today

Because of a drug

Called MDMA