Birthday blues!

With the month of December approaching,

my thoughts start to wear me out,

for I say to myself, it's okay,

this is how it is,

photographing the celebrations,

for memories to be held forever,

I wonder, am I the only one standing on the other side,

silently battling the conflicting stands of discomfort,

I question why do I look at it from a different angle,

why don't I get along with the minds of the common,

what made it different and difficult,

yet the voice within tells me,

I am not wrong, I am nothing different,

but peace and joy touching the mere essence,

when in my own space,

with my few with whom I sense an expression,

traveling through my heart,

bringing out smiles in and around,

tingling my eyes with a drop of tear,

how can I say, this is all I need,

not a whole bunch,

with whom I don't feel a connection anymore,

with whom I don't sense the need for presence,

I am not being selfish,

I am being true to my heart,

and it turns out,

my world of words seems to be inappropriate,

my attendance, cold-hearted,

somewhat disturbed at my smile upfront,

I wonder if it is the age that makes me avoid,

or is it the faces of the ones I meet that make me run,

though I prefer to choose the latter

I am pretty sure I will laugh it out with the former,

silently rubbing off the birthday blues dwelling within,

crazy are the ways of mind,

seamlessly taking off the peaceful sleep,

walking all over again the play of emotional disputes within,

preparing for the arrival of an anxiety attack,

for I am told it is just a birthday, we all are celebrating,

why to make a big deal out of it by shutting down the further happiness,

the duty of love drilled into the bonds,

as if I didn't know,

I am the one breaking the chain of contacts,

intrigued to portray the egoistic mind to do it differently per se,

neither confused nor arrogant,

rather loud and clear within,

I stand by certain decisions,

and I learn, by facing the ordinary,

it feels good to be far away,

nowhere near the gathering pretending to be okay,

despite the no, I don't want to follow along,

puzzled at the thoughts piling up for consideration,

I question myself,

why don't I fancy the myths and the facts,

why do the traditions and the rituals make it to the point of being irrational,

is it because it's forcefully pushed upon,

or is it just the way of life to blindly follow,

to fulfill the desires of debts,

they are doing it, so we have to do it as well,

somewhere along the line,

lost was the faith and the beliefs as and when urged upon,

but when it comes to reality,

apart from the conscious thoughts above,

I condition myself to stand in front of the mirror,

to prepare, to comfort,

to face the journey with ease and to hear it out

to not allow my stay to take away a quarter of my year,

wondering at how much more deeper and darker I get,

with the play of thoughts and the power of mind,

the simplest of things either start to fade or hit hard,

burning every nook and corner of my nerves,

and the differences in me I find in sections of an arena,

interrogates the silence spreading in the body,

attending to the guilt and regret cheering into the ear,

followed by the chant, the time will heal,

In here,

I take a pause, and say,

I believe the stream of thoughts will leave,

In the end, I, too, contemplate,

it's just a simple birthday celebration,

Why make a deal out of it?

Yet lately, the birthday blues don't sound silly.