Beneath the Waves

I know it’s time to let you go

to allow your presence to fade

and to mourn your transformation from reality to memory.

I know it’s time to let you go,

to let your sweet smiles and bellowing laugh

slip through my fingers like sand.

I know it’s time to watch the tide

carry you far from my reach

and let crashing waves drown me in sorrow.

I know it’s time.

I know, because

the drowning seems more gentle

than the pain I carry, heavy and suffocating,

from your constant apathy.

Frothing waters enveloping my lungs

seem a greater kindness

than the gestures you rarely afford me.

Facing your loss lays a brutal beating,

currents pushing my body onto sharp rocks,

and yet I’d welcome the torture.

Your carelessness has dealt heavier blows.

Crashing waves drown out the whispers

and gentle voices fall silent

as the sea roars with unyielding power.

I too let waves of emotion

suffocate and eviscerate my voice.

For even if I could be heard underwater

you stopped listening long ago

and I refuse to scream.