Being Poor Sucks.

Being Poor Sucks.

Every Thursday morning,

I receive my paycheck.

It’s a day that I used to look forward to.

Nowadays, the first thought that enters my head is

“I wonder if I can make this check last past today”

As I write this,

I’m over a month late on rent,

Heading towards two.

I received an electricity disconnection notice yesterday,

And I’ve lived the past few winter weather months

Without hot water through the cold fronts…

Being poor sucks.

-

My meals are often limited

To a single meal a day,

If I’m lucky.

I can’t afford a car

Because my credit got obliterated

After surviving homelessness and poverty, post-COVID.

But even if it wasn’t,

A MINIMUM of one-fourth

Of every one of my paychecks

Automatically goes towards Ubers and Lyfts

Just to get to work.

Even after seeing the pictures

Of the accident that totaled my car,

riddled my back with hernias,

and left me without transportation,

through no fault of my own

My landlady decided to give me a call

And tell me that the reason I’m suffering so much

…is because I’m so irresponsible.

Being poor sucks.

-

My phone rings endlessly.

Not from friends or family,

but from debt collectors.

The calls have led

To an unmitigated increase

In my social anxiety.

A social anxiety

That goes as untreated as my type 2 diabetes,

Because I “make too much money”

To receive financial help.

And even if I got that help,

I don’t have reliable transportation,

Unless I spend even MORE on Ubers and Lyfts.

Even if I finally book a medical appointment,

I can't afford to ask for a day off,

At the risk of falling into even larger debt than I’m in now…

Being poor sucks.

-

My cat and best friend, Pancakes,

Recently gave me a health scare

After he went a few days without eating.

Meowing constant cries of pain…

All I could do was stay up next to him every night.

Feeling helpless.

In tears.

Not knowing if I’ll keep

The only friend that stayed by my side

Through the worst years of my life.

A visit to the vet

Would've meant a guaranteed loss

Of cellphone and electricity connection…

Being poor sucks.

-

For years,

I’ve been living in an unforgiving loop

Of survival.

And hunger.

Suffering,

Depression,

And anxiety.

And

… I’m tired.

Being poor sucks.