Before and After the Parade, my Disability always stays.

I woke up reminiscing about the celebration from the days before;

I felt sore and frail and had started showing many signs of aging.

It was my birthday weekend, I turned thirty and wished for no more.

My motivation had been spent on managing the disability I suffer,

I had always turned to the screen for dopamine and a sense of purpose.

In life, disabilities shouldn't be such a thick buffer.

I set up my canvas and workstation, but my stomach started to grumble in hunger,

I picked up my paintbrush to start painting, but my head and back started to throb in pain.

My physical ailments won that time, I laid back down and fell into a long, deep slumber.

I hadn't always been this boring, my life used to be filled with so much color and positivity.

So much laughter had been lost, I'd been searching for it all to come back.

Finding motivation in disability has been the hardest feat in life; at least for me.

I'd lost many lovely hobbies, but still managed to celebrate my birthday,

still managed to attend the pride parades and the battles for women's rights,

Still managed to make an income, but I just couldn't convince my hobbies to stay.

Until one day.

I realized that I could lean into other positive attributes I had gained throughout the years.

My wonderful partner, my friends, my art, my career, and my personal accomplishments.

That day, I decided to take my life back and shed no more tears.

We all seem to believe that the party ends with old age and disability, but I disagree with that.

Living with disabilities has taught me to not take life for granted.

It has taught me to find healing in laughter.

I plan to keep the party going until my very last breath.

-Sasha