Beautiful out of the Ugly

More cautious and careful because I know time creeps up, and I didn’t want nobody to define me stuck, I felt something in my heart for you, walking in the dark for truth. I didn’t want nobody judging me on who I was in the before, I didn’t live for the pretenses, or a label, but rather on a search for trust. It was hard to find that, and when I found it? I was flustered. I had to start believing I was well deserving, all energy conserving, finding ways to say the good for us is all just luck, knife impressions on a ego scared up, on this planet where it all heats up, from still waters make a wave, touch a cloud and send floods, when it rains it pours, at the least it drizzles, depressed a little, undressing riddles while running, reading in between lines of what was unsaid, the cunning. You might know what it’s like growing up, even having to watch relatives suspiciously, because the drugs got the best of them but still find love intrinsically, love that doesn’t always get dealt with justly, so to give love it’s just due, I’ll make beautiful out of the ugly. Then would you love me?

Postface

With this passage I set out to capture a multitude of feelings relating to the heedfulness of recognizing that everything has a due date, the feelings that come from being unrecognized, to the self awareness one may feel when they know they’re being watched and expected of. Recognizing the slight sense of modesty one may have towards their own dutifulness in practicing good deeds, even those that may have too often dealt with deceit from close loved ones or even distant strangers.

So many times in life from my personal experience have I seen those people carry the most baggage but still somehow find it within themselves to give kindness. Going undermined for so long that our external understanding of the world becomes internal, the kindness that gets disregarded can have an array of effects on an individual and even an entire community. A person questions their self worth and may often end up feeling out of place in any space.

An ignored or disregarded smile can subtly or in some cases quickly turn into, “maybe next time I just won’t acknowledge anybody”. The same acknowledgement that could’ve made somebody’s day that was just one step from leaping off the ledge. Now this passage is not to disregard the awareness that not every smile is genuine and sometimes can harbor ill will with flattery as an illusion, but more so to highlight the ills in a competitive society that often leaves compassion at home on the dresser.