Beacon

Dear B,

I want to start with thank you, for creating such upheaval and such growth.

For giving me every part of you and for taking it away.

I want to cry and scream and fight, but not as much as I want this to be buried with us.

We are the good parts, the hurt parts, the broken parts, the parts that ripped us into pieces.

We are the beautiful pink sky and the blood red stain you wash away.

It was never me,

And it was never him.

It was always you.

You took the things I loved and made them yours, and now they’re no longer mine.

You took the love I thought I had and made that yours too.

You took his smile and his joy, you took my heart and left it out to rot with yours.

You took this life we made, the times we spent and turned them grey.

I loved you in a way that was new,

It was golden, worth more than I think we both knew.

And now it sits, in an empty room that used to be filled with you.

I miss you in every breath just as I curse the moment I let you in.

You started a forest fire and left.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget,

The way your smile captivated the room.

I hate that I look at you and feel any shred of love, of joy, of longing.

I want nothing more than you out of my head,

I want to be empty again.

I’ve always believed everyone had a bright spot,

A shining beacon that made them worth saving,

But I feel like I’m drowning.

The beacons are dim,

Yes, even his.

I thought talking could fix this,

But we should have left the moment the match ignited.

The moment that fire hit the tree line.

We should have ran,

As fast as we possibly could,

I’ll hold you for as long as I can,

But you took something with you and I hope you hold it close.

You took the excitement out of meeting, out of loving, out of being,

Your voice rings in my ear, and I swear for better or for worse,

It was always going to be you.

More than anything, I wish you felt that too.

I think its best we run now,

Opposite directions.

Here’s to a new beginning,

To a tragic ending,

And to the brightest beacon I ever knew.

Best,

Adri