Battery Acid

I think that I am crazy

Actions I take because of it I paint with passion

As to not shock myself by my inherently insane behavior

I call it art

I can no longer pretend I am sane

Love did that

“I am in love”

It responds with *exposing itself as everything but what I believe it to be*

It is pleasure

Sin, if I believe

“The lifelong escape of loneliness continues”

Is it comfort?

A comfort that is only elsewhere found in white lines and good hiding places

It’s a trap- but black tar, not molasses

It’s an eye roll at the peak of pleasure

I’m an addict

A generous consumer

YinYang

I always though you were my “twin flame”

When really we were just two batteries in a machine that say you needed two

One won’t work without the other

All the while destined to expire

Battery acid

I think I was loved

I can believe that

But I was not understood

Love is patience

Love is kindness- acceptance

Love listens

Addiction is a performance

To yourself- a distraction, a coping mechanism

I was someone else

Hiding desperately from my own gaze

My love couldn’t handle me

I did not dare be sad, angry, aloof, even tired

Confident and controlled were all that my love could take

I made myself smaller for my love

My guts were too ugly for my love

“You’re crazy, you make me feel crazy” love chants

I weakened my flame for a love that merely stood too close to my light- blinding itself

I hunkered down and I weathered the fight

“I pity you”

To be so blind, you are unable to touch the world and fully understand what it is you are holding but it’s right in front of your face and it’s screaming in pain-

Pain you caused.

Someone tore out your heart

You refuse to feel

It always seemed a betrayal for me to accept my love’s fate- loneliness

But by lack of awareness for oneself

My hyper awareness is dissonance

Still I lead with love

My core is filled with its smoky warmth

It is and always will be all encompassing

I hope if anything, my love learned to stand back