Backup Plan

They really do always come back

But maybe that's because i'm the only one that lets them

Maybe I need to backup on being their backup plan

Since they've always been my first choice from the beginning

I have various marriage packs

Soon they'll be married and i'll be the past

It's funny because they're the same ones I also have suicide pacts with

Guess i'll be the only one going through with that too

And I do not blame them

Some say I should

They drain me to recharge

but I'd let them do it again if I could

I am so alone that I will love the pain

I am so in love i'll let them damage me

I am so prone to self sabotage

At least I have the moment

Their pretend is all I want

Because otherwise i'd have nothing

and nothing is what dotes the idea of them

I see the reality

but I refuse to feel any of it

I taste the intentions

but hear what I want of them

I can smell their goodbye before my scent tracks them back to me

before I beg them to please not leave

before I keep on imagining

My mind has a life for us

My heart stays shattered but

the fact i'm your backup

means you never fully gave up

I know that's a lie

Otherwise you'd be mine

But i'll let ignorance lead me blind

I'll feel for you,

if you let me feel for you

I want to pretend too

Except mine isn't that

I am just your riddance

And if the others can't commit then

i'll see you in a few years to pick up the pieces

to send you right back up to them in mint condition

Hopefully one day I can just let you break

so i don't have to

but i'm afraid i'd just go back to wondering

maybe this will finally be our "right time"!

Oh sweet lover girl, thats not-

It'll never-

Just watch their backs as they walk away or you'll never feel your own heaven

They don't deserve to feel it anyways

Not to mention, they will always be looking for what you gave them

compassion, honesty, a warm body, company, understanding, no judgement, a boost in confidence, true love and

They will never find exactly that

They will never have exactly you

A little part of them will always want it

That should give you satisfaction

but not hope, my dear

I know you though,

so I know they will come back

and you will still get up..

I just pray when you open the door for them this time

You look them straight in their lies just to

back up..

..and slam it shut.