Backspace

For Dani and everyone else who's ever felt like they had no voice.

So maybe I romanticize my life.

Maybe my head is full of dreams and my heart is full of the frustrating feeling that I’ll never arrive.

And hey, maybe I’m just delusional enough to believe that it’s worth for me to try anyway.

Maybe I’m brave enough to put myself out there, but not enough not to squirm if you flinch.

And maybe I’m free enough to let my hair hang wildly, but not without also carrying a scrunchie.

Because I’m sensible too.

I know that I want to be able to say and to feel and not to be made to seem small under your scrutiny…

but still I’ll filter what I say because I know that in the real world things rarely work that way…

And maybe I like the freedom to say and say and let words flow and sway and make a picture in your mind because I. Am. Good. At. That.

Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

ahem

And maybe I like the freedom to say and say and let words flow and sway and make a picture in your mind because I have things to say.

Is that okay, yet?

Because I once had words but even if I screamed them out no one would hear because I was that…

Girl that smiled and said I’m fine, that

Girl that went home just to cry, that

Girl who said it didn’t hurt when

They dragged me, literally, through the dirt.

When they started to drive

Before I got

Into

The

Car.

My tights were torn

And blood soaked

And they swore they were sorry

With

A

Smirk.

But you hear me now, don’t you, world?

How did I earn that right? Is it because my life has gone by and I’m not twelve anymore?

Well. Newsflash. I’m there and I’m here all the time. Who I was, who I am, who I’ll be

Simul•taneous•ly

Charles Dickens’ three ghosts

If they used different caffeine to cope.

Red Bull

Coffee and

Tea, I hope.

Maybe it’s because I spent so much time hating on her: Babygirl who didn’t deserve to be told she was too big to wear colors.

She needed help and understanding and she starved so much

Anyone who gave a passing glance

Became a lifeline

She just wanted to be seen

I see her now

Too bad

I can’t

Tell her

How

No. But I can tell me.

I am beautiful.

I’m fierce.

I’m imperfect, at times neurotic… but also

I am healed.

Backspace, Backspace.

Heal-ing.

I am outspoken

Sometimes shy

Sometimes I care what’s on their mind

But sometimes

I am

Not

Afraid

To shine.

I belong to

God Divine

I am

Fearfully

And

Wonderfully

Seemingly

Out of my mind

And that is just fine.

Period.

“Sublime!”