Baby, Don’t Cry

There’s many things I could say,

Today, I read an article where a ten year old committed suicide,

It made me think back to when I was her age,

Why hasn’t bullying disappeared by now,

I can remember going home, crying and wishing I was dead,

But I also remember that at the time I felt like my mom needed me to be alive,

Then after she passed away when I was twelve,

That burden of my mom became the burden of my grandmother,

I never understood why I felt the need to be kept on this planet no matter what hell I went through,

Something always stopped me from hurting myself to the extent where I wouldn’t be on earth anymore,

It was always a weight on my shoulders that said ‘Someone needs you right now...’

I always felt that weight ever since I was younger,

As I got older I tried to figure out my purpose in life,

I mean I don’t have a job right now but that’s a different topic,

My best friend is suicidal and I’ve talked her out of it so many times,

I’ve finally established the only reasoning behind my existence is to be a friend to those who need an ear to listen to them,

I hated that I felt like I had to stay alive for someone else’s survival,

It bothered me that I felt such a heavy burden on my shoulders,

Why did I care so much about others when they didn’t reciprocate my feelings,

It’s because I learned at a extremely young age that life has been made to be difficult and I was made to try and fight for others not myself,

I can’t count the times I’ve seen videos of fights on Facebook and have felt physically ill because of it,

I can’t watch some shows that I enjoy because of the level of care I have,

I was watching an episode of Supernatural this morning and watched an actor ‘drink’ drain cleaner and felt sick to my stomach and had to turn on a cartoon so I wouldn’t feel so distressed,

I don’t see how people can hurt others so much and see it as okay,

It’s never all right or okay when you hurt someone to the extent that they think their life isn’t valuable,

I wish more people understood how I feel but the truth is a lot of people don’t and never will.