Attempted Illumination

You reached the horizon in time. I'm still a millisecond behind but it's enough to make it last place. I'm always playing catch up and this game is wearing me down. I'm already running out of oxygen and you're well aware. You can't bother turning around and making sure I'm doing all right. All that matters is you. My lungs are heaving and I'm trying not to convulse too heavily. My breath is caught in my throat but you never noticed. Please don't leave here. I can't beg with my words because they will go unheard like always. I can see the rejuvenating sunlight reach the edge of the surface but I can't seem to reach it. I try to grasp the string of enlightenment but it always runs ahead of me. I can't escape the feeling of drowning nor can I flee from this desertion. You could never muster the strength to include me in your own arrogance. You created an egocentric universe with me worshiping you from my orbit. So close but always so far away. You've reached the finish line and have already celebrated your glory. I watch my attempt at failed illumination come to light. But my mind is suddenly now clear. The tension ruptures as you break free. This is a scene on replay. Over and over again, you continued to choose yourself. You've shed the anchor holding you down like I'm a weight forcing you to hold on. I can't hold on anymore. Please turn around and wait for me. My suffering has got to mean something after all this time. After all of this neglect, you left me stranded again once more. I've been jettisoned. I've been marooned while you enjoy the spoils of your feast. If this scenic ocean had a drain, you would have left me spiraling out of submission. The water is still. I am floating even though I am dying. I can't beg you to notice me anymore. The shallow waves match your insincerity. I have wasted precious time on you, hoping you would relieve me of this pain. Now the pain is subsiding. I am content in this mesmerizing abyss. The sea water is silent but my heartbeat is deafening. My pulse is weakening. I can't force you to care after all this time. You've reached the horizon and I won't be there to applaud you for it. I'm in second place but we both know it's always last. I can't beg you to turn around anymore. It all makes sense now. You will always delight in watching me drown