Atelophobia

The Fear of Not Being Good Enough

You are beautiful,

And I am not.

Doubling up on double standards.

Doubling up on your already doubled standards.

You came through like my prayers answered,

Till I found you were a dream come false...

The moment you walked through the door,

I was in awe...

Of how awesomely hopeless i was.

You were the holy grail,

And I a mere demon.

If I touched you,

I'd pull my hand back steaming,

But you burn so well.

Or at least you used to...

Now you just burn.

Impossible standards,

I'm stuck in a state of Atelophobia.

I'm running in circles trying to get a hold of ya.

But you're King Midas,

I'm just another piece of gold to ya.

I'm like the Isley's to a newborn,

I'm old to ya.

If I was a product, you'd be my demographic.

I'd have myself sold to ya.

But you wouldn't buy me.

I could get down on one knee

With the rings from Saturn,

Using a mathematical equation

To create a unique geometric pattern,

Formed by billions of years of dust and star matter,

But it still wouldn't matter.

It still wouldn't matter...

Impossible.

Impossible to reach.

Impossible to breach

My own walls.

While you all

May think that I stand tall,

I mentally,

Emotionally,

Spiritually

Crawl.

Because this crippling fear

Has made my high horse fall.

Atelophobia:

The fear of not being good enough.

The fear...

I'm scared of staying here,

For the fear that I will not prove to be good enough before I disappear.

Before I catch my last breath.

Before I see my last sight.

I will have realized that to you,

I was just alright.

Cuz while I was losing sleep, thinking of you all night,

You were busy sleep.

Dreaming.

Wrapped tight.

While I was losing my appetite,

You were so full you had to eat light.

But I'm still hungry!

Hungry for you!

Hungry for me!

Hungry to find out that I'm not the failure I always perceived myself to be!

I'm hungry.

I'm starving.

It's funny,

I'm like those needy kids on tv.

Your 2 cents a day could end my suffering,

But your bank account always

Ends up stuttering.

I have a fear.

I have a phobia.

Atelophobia:

A fear of not being good enough.

A fear that you feed.

And to lose this fear,

It's no for you that I plead.

Its that I find who I truly am,

Because to end Atelophobia,

Confidence in me is what I truly need.