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asthenia: emptied out

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By Melissa IngoldsbyPublished 2 years ago β€’ 1 min read

looking through your old things, its hard to explain, the nostalgia I feel, intensely

for something I didn't know, didn't feel

The memories aren't mine

but I feel them so deeply
why did I dream you had passed? Is it because we didn't have a real communication that didn't know what it needed, wanted, felt? My cousin, do I need to stop forgetting to remember you?

I know the weight of my exhausted mind was collapsed

Collecting dots of rain on a window pane

Meshing the paint, mashing your pain

Collection of the worst things,

Is coming back to Saint Louis

Like reducing, diving into the too deep well, reducing into a flat paradise that seems so immense

The most sweetheart memory of such a terrible youth, rich and full of life, full of potato latkes & salt & loss

Love that dreamed of more than it could be

I'm emptied out

Moving forward or back, it feels like hell

I'm emptied out with a full heart

The deepest despair, all the most expensive sort of love, it costs more than I have yet I want it for you,

For everyone and anyone and no one

The loss feels like a overripe gland, full of tension and all the colors of the universe, leaking, smoking like a hot river in the mid-day heat

The sun beating down, pulsing, hating, roasting

I'm
Emptied

Out

heartbreak

About the Creator

Melissa Ingoldsby

My work:

Patheos,

The Job, The Space Between Us, Green,

The Unlikely Bounty, Straight Love, The Heart Factory, The Half Paper Moon, I am Bexley and Atonement by JMS Books

Silent Bites by Eukalypto

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Comments (4)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago

    "The loss feels like a overripe gland". I especially loved that line so much. Your poem was so intense and poignant!

  • It is tough.

  • Ameer Bibi2 years ago

    Nostalgia is something that is good but at the same time it's bad too But you made it

  • angela hepworth2 years ago

    This was amazing. Down to the form, it completely exemplifies the power of nostalgia, both good and bad. So good.

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