As the world tilts forward
for "The Road Drops Here" challenge
Sometimes the girl wondered
why she felt so disconnected all the time
when she was surrounded with beautiful creatures
and warm love and laughter.
~
In conversations she said nothing—
words withered on her tongue,
but turned her face to the cerulean* sky,
leaning towards the flossy clouds.
~
They call her.
They call her.
~
She could feel her loneliness
carried by the autumn breeze;
the cold zephyr* crept into her bones,
snuffing out the embers of her soul.
~
Bit by bit.
~
As the world tilted forwards,
she slipped away—
staring at her own body
becoming a frosty corpse.
~~~
💀I wrote the original version of this poem in my teens, but never published it. It was one of the few that survived from that time.
The original version was called "Sad poem of a sad girl" and was super dark and depressing (perfectly mirroring my emotional state of the time).
I thought it could be a good fit for "The road drops here" challenge with a wee refinement. So I added an extra line and changed 2, and swapped a couple of words that would fit better (thanks goodness my vocabulary expanded since then somewhat lol).
Here are some of my other, ye ol' poems that survived from my teens ((not so) surprisingly, all a bit dark...)
And no, there is no #2. I have yet to find that.
~~~
*cerulean: deep blue in colour like a clear sky
zephyr: a soft gentle breeze
(Maybe they are common words for native English speakers, for me they were new😁).
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Comments (6)
I have always loved the word "cerulean." For me, it just conjures up a feeling of calm and of depth, as if the character is contemplating something unspeakable and inevitable. The flossy clouds call to her, but they have no substance--what a great contrast being evoked! Yes, the poem is dark, but the solemnity of that dark moment is captured so well.
I loved this so much! Would you be posting that super dark and depressing version?
bet it was neat rereading and reworking a poem from your teens
It's amazing to see how you’ve refined your teenage writing. Good luck with the challenge.
The beautiful creatures and warm love and laughter, were suppose to ground her. So only the sky knows what's really going on. 'Snuffing out the embers of her soul' I like this. It's like the things within her soul, or what makes it whole, no longer lights up to tell her that it's still there. 'A frosty corpse. ' maybe it's not so bad. This was a beautiful description. Yet still, so sad. But I can see the beauty in it. Best of luck in the challenge. And zephyr. I love that I now know it's meaning, thank you for that 🤗❤️
It is great going back to reread works we’ve done. This one absolutely feels like a lost soul struggling to survive.