Another Rejected Piece

twisted and treated into off-white sheep.

I

follow them all through casting mania, into brainwashed attachment.

repulsed by the

repetition of voices,

rejection of bodies,

bodies naked in the hallway,

sticks shaking in the wind.

desensitised by the writing on the wall, written, ‘don’t let them control you’

[too late. already controlled.]

like snags on the new dress, I bought on ASOS. Told myself it would fit me once I had

returned to model size body.

[too late. already controlled.]

fill me up with pills. anti-d’s, sugar and maybe I should try diuretics too.

the Zara change room used to be my best friend, but it has me picking out size 8 even though I’m lying to myself, I’m now a ten. claustrophobic when I can’t release myself from zippers. lock doors, pretend to pretend that I’m fine with it.

will walk out, head held high.

the impulse to binge eat until I hate myself then vomit it out in the ramen restaurant sink.

home now, misled mind plays boudoir soundtrack,

vogue cigarettes, pink lipstick they told me to wear,

free yet still chasing freedom.

home is difficult without them in it. stress stuck like love handles.

never look at yourself the same again

time capsule, morphed the butterflies in your stomach into dried out leaves,

and you are replaceable

by chicks who are sixteen

and you’re going on twenty-three

and you are unnamed,

with bruises on your heart

from all the times you’ve been told ‘no’

and all the times you’ve been told ‘yes’.

- @ellygracewrites

*a poem on rejection from both the fashion industry and a magazine I wanted to publish it in. Let's give it some love. *

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Elly-Grace Rinaldis is currently in her final semester at QUT as a Fine Arts student majoring in Creative Writing. She adores writing about her Greek heritage on the island of Kythira and the many summers she has spent there. When she isn’t gallivanting around the globe, Elly-Grace is found in Brisbane watching the sunset with a glass of pinot noir. Her debut poetry collection ‘Five Summers: An Anthology’ is available now

www.ellygrace.com.au

https://www.amazon.com.au/Five-Summers-Miss-Elly-Grace-Rinaldis/dp/B08SGN13XT