Annotation Of A Life.

Life’s going too fast,

so I mark every line.

Reiterate every street, every obvious sign,

as if the art of noticing

could save me from forgetting.

*

as if reflection itself

could keep me from drowning in content

the way most people do.

*

I underline moments that blur,

circle the almosts,

highlight the lessons mid-lesson

as if my heart were a syllabus.

*

Trying to interpret my own becoming

before the ink dries and the world lies.

*

Even stillness gets commentary.

Even joy feels like a draft

that needs revising,

*

Once, I read to disappear,

to drown inside the spine of a story

and let the ink hold me,

flickering the pages,

lost in a different stratosphere,

Where is that little girl?

*

Now, I read to remember.

Now, I dissect the beauty

before I let it breathe.

afraid that if I don’t reflect,

I’ll lose the meaning entirely.

*

I used to trust my mind

to cradle what mattered.

Now I build margins

just to prove I was present…

a witness with a pen,

a scholar of my own becoming,

afraid to misquote myself.

*

It’s not just the books anymore.

I annotate conversations,

pause mid-laugh to observe my laughter,

note the tone of my own voice,

the way it trembles when someone

asks if I’m okay…

capturing even the moments

I should simply feel in my own 4K.

*

Every glance becomes a gloss.

Every silence, a subtext.

Every memory, a footnote,

heaps of texts I can’t reference,

proof that I’m consuming life

faster than I can create from it.

Do I highlight or release?

*

I’m tired.

tired of analysing the art of being alive,

tired of fearing

what might slip through the cracks

if I simply felt instead of framed,

tired of turning myself

into an endless commentary

instead of a life.

*

Sometimes I drop the pen,

let the ink bleed without order.

Let living be the literature.

Let my breath be enough of a record…

trusting that not every moment

needs to be processed to exist.

*

To read again like a child,

not for meaning,

but for magic.

To trust again like a child

that my mind could hold a thought,

because these are my thoughts, and they are mine.

They are never leaving, so why the hurry?

*

To feel the moment without hesitation

and trust it’s enough for my becoming,

that I don’t need to analyse everything

to create something real.

*

Now I journal in single sentences.

I say my one liners

and replace my uhms

with presence instead.

choosing reflection, yes,

but choosing life first,

catching my breath..

experiencing the feeling instead..

*

And sometimes

I leave the margins empty,

the page unwritten,

get lost without understanding,

and hold on what I already know to cradle me

and for the first time

I breathe fully

and I am enough, even still.

*

(Settles into bean bag, tea in hand, friends around talking over each other. Grinning. Nothing in mind. Posts poem. No comment. I let it go.)

*

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Art that I’ve consumed that feels interconnected to this poem:

• Let Her Go – Passenger

• Slower I Go – Seu Worship

• Letting Go & Cecie’s Lullaby – Stefany Gretzinger

A quote from the book Brief by Joseph McCormack, which I also recommend:

“If we treat all information equally, it increasingly affects our ability to hold our attention for a certain period of time…”

A line from my own poem “Still revising my poems”:

“And in the still knowing of God I am enough.”

Things I DO that have helped me live this poem

(~Because it’s never just in the knowing, but in the doing :))

• Humming.

• Hanging out quietly with friends.

• Sitting or lying on the cold floor… sometimes my bathroom floor, but really wherever feels warm.

• Breathing.

• Remembering my interconnectedness and dependence to the world around me…. so “I am not alone in my troubles.”

• Touching things softly with my hands, feeling the textures of the world around me.

• Getting on my knees to pray.

• A hot shower, plush slippers, cozy clothing, a faux bear bag.

• Lying in flat-out chair, staring at the stars.

• Doing nothing and thinking nothing, without time limit

• Being bored, doing the boring stuff.

• Allowing myself to be paradoxical and multifaceted

• Doing things outside myself and for others (cleaning my space, working customer service jobs)

• Using my fitness watch to ground myself when I get too deep in my head… I set timers, track steps, and it keeps me present. It’s golden, I love it

In all sincerity, I pray we all find a still and peaceful life. I’m still learning, but this is what I’ve vetted so far. I hope it helps, and I’d love to hear your tips as well.

Thanks a lot for reading!