Angels

I keep seeing angels.

Well, not really seeing.

I just can’t stop thinking about them.

Probably because I haven't gotten any closure.

I just wish I could’ve said goodbye.

It feels like I’ve left things unresolved with you.

Not as if we ever argued.

Because we never did.

We were never around each other enough to even start an argument.

But even if we were, I doubt it would’ve happened.

You were too much of a good person.

A kind soul.

You always seemed so happy.

I couldn’t help but wonder how you managed it.

I’m angry, of course.

Not at you.

I think just at the general consensus of death.

And how humans deal with it.

Death is natural.

It is a part of life.

There is no life without death.

And yet, it’s hard for us to fathom.

I suppose I just hate falling into the “norm”.

I enjoy being an outlier.

I like to believe I can handle things better than others.

And maybe I do.

But, mostly, I just stuff up my emotions.

I’ve always done that, I think, and while therapy has helped, it can’t change everything.

I don’t really know what to do.

I can’t get you out of my head.

You’re all I think about.

I keep playing that song.

The song they played at your funeral.

The funeral I missed.

It’s the only thing my mind seems to crave.

The familiar melody of that song.

Even after it lost its luster, I continued to replay it.

I don’t know when I’ll stop.