And so the battle rages on

It hurts to care so much.

With every word, every clause, and comma

it hurts more.

Hate and anger seep in from all sides

everyone’s angry, everyone feels hopeless.

It feels like a chess game,

everyone’s desperate to win.

The pawns fall, the knights are destroyed

but does any of that matter if the king lives?

And so the battle rages on

between players who aren’t even on the board.

Everyone is always on the defense

Ready to attack, ready to hate

anyone, literally anyone at all.

Fighting hate with more hate,

ready to kill for their cause,

but too busy to help those in it.

People gather in clusters and cliques

making their case to an audience that already agrees.

Until a lone voice that seeks contention rises:

“Global warming is a myth!”

“Feminism is cancer!”

“Global warming is real!”

“Kill all men!”

They didn’t come to change minds.

They brought no evidence or peace.

Only weapons, words, and barbed insults .

They want to start a war,

they want to provoke an attack.

One pawn takes another, and another retaliates.

No one walks away a winner

and so the battle rages on.

I tried not to fight, I tried using sources

tried using logic and my own life stories

tried to make my voice heard

tried to be polite as I fought for my rights

I thought it was a discussion

I thought it was just a debate

but no one came to learn or change their mind.

So instead I put on my armor and fought

And fought and fought and hated.

But I don’t want to have to fight for the right to love

and I don’t want to fight to the point of hate.

But I don’t know what the alternative is anymore

and so the battle rages on.

I hate feeling this way,

I hate feeling lost and angry and hurt

I hate feeling hate.

I was hurt by those closest to me

and still, chose forgiveness over hate.

I was betrayed by someone I trusted

and still, chose hope over fear.

They called me naïve and ignorant,

because I didn’t feel angry about it.

But anger and hate would only have hurt more.

I didn’t feel anger at all until I was 16.

Disappointed, hurt, guilty, frustrated, yes.

But not anger, and definitely not hatred.

But then it wasn’t just me under attack anymore,

it was my friends and my family.

What do you do when the person closest to you,

is being told they don’t deserve to be happy or safe?

How do you just let it go?

How do you just forgive and stay neutral

when lives are at stake?

I can take the pain of a thousand disappointments,

but I cannot keep watching the hope disappear

from the eyes of those who had the most faith.

I still truly and wholeheartedly believe

that love and hope will win out over hate and fear.

I don’t know if it will happen soon,

I don’t know if it will happen when I can see it.

But love and hope have to win.

They just have to.

They just will.