And I Will Know You

An invisible wound slices a pain,

Deeper than can be conveyed.

A buzzy emptiness.

The vestiges of hope flayed bare.

.

If I could curl up and turn away from the longing I tried to abate,

.

I would run,

Run,

Away from myself.

.

But I cannot tear apart.

.

This path’s pursuit unfurls before me.

The brain, with its logic, understood the stakes.

Yet the naïve heart

Underestimated the cruelty

Of what it is to love

Something that was never really there,

.

Never real.

.

A dream, a whisp, the potential of what could be.

The thoughts consume my soul, an untamed fire.

And I grow unable to wallow,

Acknowledge,

I ever felt anything at all.

.

Yet,

The miniscule ray of hope fights through the din.

A villain of my own desire.

.

Silent. I smile,

A mask of gummy paste.

Alone. I bury,

Feelings of failure,

Despair.

.

The hasty façade shows cracks.

The smile, doesn’t reach my eyes,

And I lie.

Claiming,

.

I am merely tired.

.

I’ll gave myself a day…

Maybe five.

Convincing myself of my own lie.

.

Shove the feelings down.

Smaller still.

Into a tiny box, packing it deep into a far corner of my mind

So I can breathe without shattering from the inside.

.

And I,

Push onward.

.

Knowing with no fleck of doubt, one day we will meet,

.

And I will be whole.