Am I dead now or later?

Seeing dead crows because I'm dead inside,

The sign of murder because I don't feel alive,

Feelings of torture because I'm stuck in a rut,

Drowning in my sorrows because I suck,

Negative self talk because I'm a failure,

More and more of it because I've given up,

I'm tired because of my health problems,

I'm tired because I've tried to fix them,

I want to end it all because of the pain,

But I won't because of the love in my veins,

To end it will cause my loved ones pain,

To end it could cause another to end,

It'll be hard but I'll stay till my time is up,

So I'll stay because I can do it.