Alone

You never know, just feel. You can’t see it but you can breathe it in. I wish I could see it. The abyss they call an empty void of sadness and grief. The gap that surrounds us all, invading all of our deepest secrets. I have secrets. Sometimes I wish I could spill them out, like a fine wine aging over time, then maybe more of me could come into the light- You were always there. Never left my side. A companion at the stakes. You raced for my love. You wanted the seduction. Now things feel closer than before. Being that things felt like they were at a distance. You never knew distance. A warm blanket I would constantly use to comfort me no matter what the occasion was. A dinner party you had for us. The world. Me and few are the only ones randomly attend. It feels like I stay. When I stay I see the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, yin and yang, I see them face to face in a group discussion. We are discussion. Branches of a tree that extends past possibilities bigger than before. Love galore. They loved it when I did more. My thoughts have exceeded its functioning point. I come to you for healing. The guidance of your mercy feels right. Left all of my close belongings back home, where those thoughts remain. I remain close to you. In battle, we fight together. Winning was all we knew. Blood marked our hands and arms. Covered in pain and suffering, we knew them well. For too long they’ve come over and had late night stays. They remain and stay. Like paint stained on a white T shirt, they are too hard to get rid of. I can’t let them go. Won’t let them go. In a systematic evaluation of myself, I seek caution. I am dangerous. I hide myself from the present, knowing the past will always catch up to me. The future isn’t here. It’s gone. Nowhere to be found. A wide search can be profound. We can’t make a scene. I am seen. I am known among those who tower over me. Like trees to the grass, I am grass. I am stuck beneath my ways of living and giving up. Survival was my only teacher. I am the student that gave up. Listening to those who don’t need a weapon to start a war. A battle within me. Losing myself. Losing the world insights of no kind of help. I never know, I just feel, and right now-

I feel alone.