Almost Close Enough

Whisp of curling wonder rose from the sheen,

Distracting from the plummetless darkness,

Should it dissipate and be lost on her,

Or find home in her bosom, almost close?

Revelation claimed to be known before,

But could she see through me better than I,

Precipitated summation held firm,

Witness gathered from being close enough.

Yet secrets lie further down the dark past,

Twisted in a torpor wrought from torture,

Trust betrayed and innocence left behind,

When sight could not be almost close enough.

Yearning for acceptance despite defect,

Struggling to be exempt from derision,

Hoping a path would open, a road away,

An exit from the silence of pressed lips.

Not today, and not for twenty more years,

Almost close enough would have to suffice,

As certain embrace then could prop me up,

A battered soul seeking to find solace.

Stability paid at a certain price,

Gained confidence to see me through despair,

Even though I was still lost to them all,

Light lay ahead that one day I could shine.

In the centrifuge of racing heartbeats,

Life sped by, compounding perceived distance.

Crutch became a jagged piercing splinter,

Plucking out unleashed a deluge of tears.

Blindsided by pure, earnest intention,

Love relayed as best could be way back then,

When tumult of emotions required rest,

Or could become a whirlwind of malice.

Time, deep wounds, and healing all came to me,

Just as hard as I pushed against the grain.

Reopened, I regained my sense of self,

Nailed to the cross of almost close enough.

Coming out twice in one brief queer lifetime,

Seeking to be true to all that's within,

Finding pride in the truth past acceptance,

Living as I am is more than enough.