All About Vocal

'We just pick ourselves back up'

Is something I'm often told,

But what if I just want to lie awhile

Here on the floor

Letting the warmth of the tiles seep into my

Tired bones. It feels divine.

The whir of the ceiling fan,

A slice of white noise to cover the

Cacophony of sheep bleating in my ear

And ghosts of the past with their whispering and taunts.

It stirs up dust motes that float in the

Sunlight sneaking through

The tear in the dumb blind I was

Supposed to fix.

~

But that's okay.

It's just enough light for my head to loll

Side to side, seeing nothing and

Everything at the same time.

I'm alone. Again.

Sometimes it's needed solitude, a respite.

And the silence transcends,

Transforming this muddy plane

Into bits of stories and rhymes,

Emotive images that merge together

To create something wholly new

And wondrous.

I can escape for awhile and just be.

~

Other times it feels like the weight of the world

Sits on my chest.

The compression cracks my ribs

And squeezes my heart

A protest sits on my lips that it's all too much.

One, two, three...I suck air in and out,

Counting through the agony and

Lifting my limbs one at a time,

Pins and needles slowly prodding them

Back to life.

~

There are days when sitting up is all I'm able to do.

The tile doesn't feel quite as comfortable,

The white noise begins to grate,

And I think about standing.

However, today is not that day.

Instead I've taken to kneeling,

Pouring out the bitterness that's

Become an infection,

My stomach heaving in response

Trying to purge my demons,

My insecurities, my fears.

Pale and shaking, I succumb to the floor

Once more.

~

Another day dawns, milky rays of light

Drifting through that same

Damn blind.

Something feels different though,

A subtle shift in the air,

A current running across my skin

Raising all the hairs and

Reminding me I'm still here.

I'm still kicking.

~

I think I want to try standing today.