Again

I know some of you can relate

When I say I feel like I'm drowning

When they say there's always an open path

But it's like I'm in a forest and I see 10 paths ahead of me

But they all lead off a cliff and I haven't quite learned how to fly yet

Much less regained the energy to get off the ground this time

You'd think I'd be good at that by now

Even it's something I don't think anyone deserves to do again and again

I've had experience with falling

But it's still hard to know when that is

And you still get that heart attack when your next step is emptiness

So when it happens again,

I can't decide between

"Hello, old friend,"

Or "I had hoped never to see you again..."

I've been told I'm a fallen angel

So stroke my wings if they're still there

Cuz the only thing I have is the ocean I have behind my eyes that I can't let out

Is it too much to ask to hold your hand when I'm slipping?

Or to feel your kisses on my neck when I feel like I don't really exist?

Cuz I'm always stuck between the feelings

Of being weighted down on the ground

Or stepping into air whenever I gain the confidence to take a step again

I remember when you kissed my knees

And it made me tingle like I'm sitting a pool with electric eels

I wanna feel childish again

When imagination was enough and hopes were still a thing

When dreams were yet to be broken

And wishes didn't hurt to try

But the only thing I can do but won't do is to cry

Then I think, but I'll just float since I'm so emptied out

I'll be feeling the opposite of falling or stuck on the ground

Although I no longer have the things I cherished inside

So can you make me smile even if it's a sad one?

Cuz just that act will make my tears follow a different path

In the event that I do break again.