Accrual
an accounting of roots laid down and branches forced to grow
Personal Ledger
Account Holder
my government name, even though i usually answer to Mom or Babe or Miss Lunch Lady or Daughter or Sister
Period
since first grade, when the cancer wing taught me people die
Opening Balance
carried in from before I understood interest
Date / Item / Debit / Credit / Balance
Accrued / Time given to survive / Debit
Recurring / Sleep shortened / Debit
Practiced / Silence practiced / Debit
Ongoing / Care extended to others / Debit
Deferred / Care withheld from self / Debit
Recorded / Money earned doing everything the boomers told us / Credit
Recorded / Money earned with degrees we were promised would save us / Credit
Recorded / Money spent on tuition interest rent / Debit
Recorded / Money spent chasing an American Dream that does not exist / Debit
Accrued / Burnout mistaken for work ethic / Debit
Accrued / Burnout praised as resilience / Debit
Deferred / High stress low pay jobs abandoned / Credit
Deferred / Belief in upward mobility withdrawn / Debit
Recurring / Still broke anyway / Balance
Ongoing / Van down by the river considered / Balance
Ongoing / Wildlife chosen over people / Credit
Deferred / Ambition deferred / Debit
Deferred / Desire stored for later / Debit
Recurring / Body used as instrument / Debit
Overlooked / Body ignored / Debit
Managed / Fear managed / Debit
Logged / Fear named / Credit
Recorded / Relationship love entered through control / Debit
Recorded / Abuse experienced across forms / Debit
Ongoing / Love given to children / Credit
Ongoing / Love received from children / Credit
Recorded / Hard years endured because of that love / Balance
Recurring / Teenage love retained after everything else was stripped / Credit
Deferred / Relationship love avoided for safety / Balance
Recorded / Gentle love finally found / Credit
Recorded / Love that taught self-regard / Credit
Repeated / Forgiveness extended outward / Debit
Deferred / Forgiveness applied inward / Debit
Recorded / Work performed beyond scope / Debit
Postponed / Rest postponed / Debit
Abandoned / Rest Abandoned / Debit
Suppressed / Words swallowed / Debit
Documented / Words written / Credit
Considered / Leaving considered / Balance
Recurring / Staying chosen / Balance
Rationed / Hope rationed / Balance
Intermittent / Hope replenished / Credit
Subtotal
Balance remains unsettled
Notes
Verified by use.
Balance outstanding.
Closing balance carried forward
Signature
I acknowledge the debt.
I continue under it.
About the Creator
Fatal Serendipity
Fatal Serendipity writes flash, micro, speculative and literary fiction, and poetry. Their work explores memory, impermanence, and the quiet fractures between grief, silence, connection and change. They linger in liminal spaces and moments.
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More stories from Fatal Serendipity and writers in Poets and other communities.
If You Love Me, You'll Do It
I met Jason when I was five years old. I could say that I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was so handsome to me and I felt in awe by his presence. When they introduced him as the new kid in school, I wanted to be his friend right away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember his smile and how he didn't seem shy. He appeared confident and ready to learn. I waved at him and said "hello," before anyone else could even say a word. He sat next to me, and I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He looked so happy as he said, "Yes!"
By Sidney Smith (Sid Smith)7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
You did it. You neatly tallied all of the sacrifices, loves and losses that float around inside of us. I love this.