About Me

They ask me to write down

my race

and I think

and think

Why do I label myself?

Why am I forced to mark White?

I am anything but.

I am the town that is "small" to me.

My home.

The home I hold close to my heart and the East Side I represent.

I am the practice field that I spent four summers of my life on doing the thing I love, with the people I love.

How could I forget the town that contributed to my favorite childhood memories? I could never. San Pedro, the little town that holds a piece of my heart and my parents' childhood. I spent my summers relishing in the natural beauty, good food, beaches, and the sweet animals.

They ask me to write down

my race

and I think

and think.

Don't make me conform.

I close my eyes and see three-year-old me with her little afro crouched down at her grandma's house feeding a small, brown bunny lettuce.

I open my eyes and see 18 (and a half) year old me walking across the stage on a hot June day getting my diploma.

I close my eyes and smell the fresh air and cut grass that I lay on just to relax and take life slow.

I open my eyes and see myself graduating basic training and showing everyone that I could do it.

I close my eyes and I can smell the saltwater that inhabits my weekends in the summer that I enjoy so much. I lived on the beach, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I open my eyes and see myself all grown up and truly genuinely happy and successful as can be.

They ask me to write down

my race

and I think

and think

very seriously

I DON'T need

to fit.

But if I fit, I'll only fit one way.

I've always wanted to leave, I was never scared "quien dijo miedo" (who said they're scared) as my uncle says, but as I turned 18 and I heard Patrick Stump circa 2009 telling me that he's "feeling young and reckless" and I thought "man, same" and I realized that I'm ACTUALLY leaving and suddenly I'm listening to All Time Low singing "I never want to leave this sunset town, but one day the time may come." And it's true, I never want to leave but my time is coming but I am NOT AFRAID.

Because,

They've always asked me to write down my race

and I think

and think

I am NOT limited to the stereotypes my race brings

I am still my own person

But, on the flip side

I AM most definitely the pupusas my mom and godmother make because they remind me of home and of where I come from. I AM chicken stew with potatoes and white rice my mom made when I was a kid that still fills my heart with joy. Honestly, I am also a ten-piece chicken nugget meal with creamy ranch and BBQ sauce with my medium Doctor Pepper and my medium fry especially when I eat my meal in the passengers seat of a car that smells like Yankee Candles' "Midsummer Night's Dream."

All these things make me the person I am today

but they still ask me to write down

my race

and I think

and think

very seriously

I wasn't made to fit

But, I am proudly an independent Salvadorian woman.

So I stop

and write down

"Salvadoreña"