Abandoned

At night, when I lie in bed, you fill my thoughts

I take a deep breath and try to clear my mind

But it takes a substantial amount of effort

Fantasies and memories creep into my head

The witty banter between us,

The primal need to be close to you,

The dance of our hands and lips,

The way you call me 'baby girl' makes me feel safe

I crave your dominance and control to keep me grounded

But you feed me lies instead

I stop myself from ruminating and let blackness consume my mind's eye

I allow the darkness to swallow me into an oblivious slumber

A single tear escapes my closed eye and drift soundlessly down my cheek

I await the day I cease to think of you

When I don't have to fight so hard to fall asleep

You move on, while I remain trapped in the prison of my mind

Reliving the past on repeat

I'm not sure what I did to deserve such torture

In this life or another

Longing and hopelessness exude from my core

I imagine what it would feel like to be happy

To have my love reciprocated

To not feel so alone

That's the difference between you and I

I would never abandon you without a word.